My Camo Kids

Sing and the world mourns for you, Serve and You Mourn Alone

2012-02-13T13:39:00.000-07:00

I know my blog has been all adoption and happy stories for a bit here.

But, I'm a military spouse. And first and foremost this was intended to be a military spouse & family blog.

And there's something that is just Bugging. Me. BIGTIME.

Whitney Houston died. It's true, and it's unfortunate. It seems fame, fortune and drug abuse has most likely taken another talented person before her time.

And it's the biggest Facebook status, biggest headline, biggest topic of conversation on the radio.

This ONE article on her passing was "recommended" on Facebook over 2000 times. And there are dozens more articles, just like it.

Tell me....Can you name a single soldier who has died in the last month in Afghanistan?

Just one.

Single.

Soldier.

Who died before THEIR time, defending OUR country and OUR freedom.

Can you give me a name?

Even just a last name would do.

Of course you can't. Because it's not in the news, or on the radio unless it's a soundbite about nebulous "soldiers"(this article doesn't mention one single name, but plenty of dead "soldiers"), you rarely hear or see a name it seems. It isn't deemed "front page" worthy. There may be a blurb in their local paper and on that local paper's website. These brave men have given the ultimate sacrifice, after voluntarily joining our armed forces knowing they will be underpaid and overworked. Knowing they will have to leave the comfort and security enjoyed, (and perhaps not always valued as it should be) by the rest of us to go out and continue fighting.

Continue dying.

The article on this soldier was "recommended" on Facebook......just 14 times.

They won't get a tribute on the radio. Millions won't regard their passing in social media.

Their military communities will mourn, certainly. Their loved ones will never be the same, certainly. The Patriot Guard may come protect their right to be laid to rest in peace.

But will their loved ones receive even 1/100th of the outpouring of concern and support that Whitney Houston's one child has received? Will those children left behind, by a true American hero, have articles written in major news organizations pondering how they will carry on without their parent? Or will they just continue to be the unseen and unheard casualties of a decade-long war, receiving even less press than their now-deceased loved one?

Don't get me wrong, here. Losing a parent is a tragedy in itself. Any death that could have been prevented, is incredibly sad. Certainly Whitney Houston's music had value and was a part of people's lives. I get that.

What bothers me is why an entertainer, who made millions and squandered her good fortune away on drugs and alcohol....why should her death be so much more significant, so very important, so "stop the presses!" What did she actually do for you? Why are there multiple articles, on every website and news organization about her death?

Why?

When our soldiers are still fighting AND dying.

For us.

Every Day.

Please take a moment to read about these brave young men, killed in Afghanistan, and ponder where our country's priorities lie.

Marine Lance Cpl Edward Dycus, 22: Killed 2-1-12 (His story was shared on Facebook 124 times)

Marine Sgt. William Stacey, 23: Killed 1-31-2012 (His local news story was shared on Facebook...0 times from this website. However, when ABC took the time to share his story, it was re-shared 2000 times. Proof that our major networks CAN tell these stories and make a difference in these heroes being recognized and remembered.)

1st Lt. David A. Johnson, 24: Killed 1-25-2012 (His story was shared on Facebook 14 times.)

Marine Cpl Christopher G. Singer, 23: Killed 1-21-2012 (His story was "shared".....0 times.)

Travis Riddick, Kevin Reinhard, Daniel Bartle, Jesse Stites, Nathan McHone, Joseph Logan: Killed 1-20-2012 (Their story was "shared" 38 times.)

For a complete list of the casualties in Afghanistan, please go to Honor The Fallen at http://militarytimes.com/valor/

Mental Note:

2012-02-10T12:00:00.000-07:00

Mental Note:

When you bring someone approximately this size to the UPS store....

Watch them.

Very.

Carefully.

Because you will go to pay, thinking that they are being all sweet and innocent trying to mash copier buttons they can't even reach.

And while your back is turned.....they will start eating the greeting cards.

And when you are done and you turn to find your beautiful child standing there with a mouthful of paper shrieking happily "Mama! Owl! *nom nom nom*!", you will have to pull your bank card out again. And pay for it.

What CAN you do?

2012-02-09T05:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people think we must be extraordinary, to adopt.

Sometimes people think we are saints. Crazy, yes, but also "saints" to adopt a 5th child, much less one with special needs.

Sometimes people say things like "I could never do what you are doing!" or "You must have such a big heart!" or "Your family must be so special!"

Sure, we are pretty neat I'll give you that. We are 6 nice people who live under one nice roof and who genuinely care about others and want to help make the world a kinder, gentler, better place in whatever way we can. But.....I know plenty of people just like us!

In fact, if there is anything this whole journey has taught me it's that there are good people pretty much everywhere you turn. Good people who support and encourage. Good people who reach out. Good people who want to make a difference. Good people who will help you out in a crisis, like when your house gets robbed and you need passports ASAP, and you are freaking out thinking it will cost almost $1000 because you can't think straight from crying for days on end because along with the passports every precious love-letter from Afghanistan and Iraq has been stolen.....

You get the picture. Good people are everywhere (unless they are the people who robbed your house). And even if they think you are the super-awesome-one who is doing something they could "never do", you know that the good people are the reason good things happen. You don't have to step out and do something huge and outrageous to make a difference. If everyone just does what they CAN do....every little bit helps bring the big things in to being.

On that note, meet my friend Jane.

Jane has her very own blog called Flight Platform Living, where she talks about her lovely children, and Smith Magenis Syndrome, and day to day life. But she does more than that as well, in her little corner of cyberspace.

Jane is not a person I have ever met in real life, but we share a very real connection. You see, Jane loved our little Vi long before I even knew Vi existed. She advocated for her, she fundraised for her, she shouted from the rooftops (or at least, you know, from her blog) to help find a family for her. She lives in the UK, and for that reason cannot adopt from Eastern Europe (some crazy laws exist, I tell ya!) But, she wouldn't let that stop her from doing what she CAN do. And so she did everything to help our girl find her way home.

And when that day came, and we met our precious girl and Vi finally had a family, and Jane's dream for her came true......what did Jane do?

Did she pat herself on the back, tell herself job well-done, and get back to her regularly scheduled programming?

You probably guessed it....but, No. She didn't. She jumped right in to a new dream.

In fact, next week when I go back to Vi's country for court, Jane is coming with me!

Because Jane helped Vi, but she wants to do more. She simply has to do more. And so, she is coming with me and then visiting another orphanage in the same country with the help of an organization called "The Happy Child Foundation", and she is hoping to bring more with her than just her great smile and delightful spirit.

You can read her blog post about it by clicking HERE.

Jane has set a new fundraising goal, to provide this orphanage with music and art supplies to enrich the lives of the children living there. She also hopes to be able to provide enough diapers to keep the institution stocked for one entire week.

Will the musical instruments and art supplies change the world?

No.

Will they solve the orphan crisis?

No.

Will they make these children, who have next to nothing, smile?

Yes.

Will the sounds of music and the colors of the children's own creations brighten the entire institution?

Yes.

She can't change the world. But Jane is doing what she CAN do, and she hopes to accomplish these things with the help of some very good people.

I happen to know some very, very good people.

Will you help Jane's new dream come true, to bring what little light, comfort, music, color, and happiness can be brought while these precious souls wait for their families? Read her post, please. See the pictures of just a few of the children in this institution.

And then...just do whatever you CAN do.

***If you choose to donate, PLEASE be sure to specify "MUSIC AND ART FOR BOBBY" when you go to Paypal at the Happy Child Foundation Website!! THANK YOU!!!

*** Jane will receive updates every other day from the organization, and update her fundraising thermometer accordingly! If you have donated, please check back to see the thermometer moving UP towards her goal every couple of days!!!

The Worth of a Soul

2012-02-06T16:07:00.002-07:00

"You don't have a soul. You ARE a soul. You have a body."

"Ordinary riches can be stolen. Real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you."

~Oscar Wilde

Have you ever come across something that absolutely took your breath away?

Something that literally made you stop. in. your. tracks. and say.....Wait. Am I living this life right?

Something that stirs your very soul?

I have a friend named Callie. In this techno-world, its amazing the connections we can make and keep. A lovely girl, who took photos at my best friend's wedding in 2008, who was also a military spouse, who cried while photographing my husband and I dancing (him in his dress blues, home on R&R from Afghanistan. We made a lot of people cry that day. I cried a lot that day.) became my friend through a friend.

Then, 8 months later she came in the very early morning hours to the airport in Atlanta when my husband came home from Afghanistan.....to take photos (as a professional photographer) that our family will treasure forever. For free.

She has one of the kindest hearts I ever known, and all I can say is I wish I could hang out with her in person and get to know her better. But duty stations have a way of often interfering with such plans. And so I have to settle for keeping in contact with her through Facebook.

Today she posted this link: Clarence

It is an article she wrote. About a homeless man, and how he came to touch the lives of herself and her family.

You can click the link, or continue reading below. Either way, I guarantee your heart will not be the same afterwards.

Here a glimpse in to a life, and a soul, brought to you in the words of my friend Callie:

Clarence

We met you the first day we moved to Augusta. You introduced yourself as Clarence Davis, and you weren't homeless but just "down on your luck". You explained that you knew the previous owners and that you used to rake their leaves and that you were HIV positive and could we please give you a little work ? You raked our yard that day and didn't complain once about the heat, although you were sweating so much I'm not sure how you could see to finish the job.

You started coming by every few days, and after the first few times we had to tell you that we didn't have enough leaves to rake or enough money to pay you for you to come so often. Finally one day, you shook your head and chuckled a little and you said, "Miss Callie, I done begged myself out now didn't I?"

You always found a way to make me laugh, and you told me once that the Bible said that if you don't make people laugh, then you're not doing your job. It may not have been sound theology, but it was a good practice nonetheless, and I appreciated the stories you would tell me and the wisdom you would share.

We came to an agreement and officially hired you as our yard man. You came twice a month, once on the first and once on the fifteenth, and we paid you $20 each time to take care of our yard. We were able to budget for you this way, always having $20 in cash on hand, and you were able to count on this income, but it still didn't change the frequency in which you stopped by to visit.

You came to talk or to ask for apple juice or to see my baby, who you loved watching grow up. You would take her hands in yours and every motherly instinct in me wanted to pull her away from yours, which were so full of mud and sweat and HIV, but there was something about your soul that I knew was clean enough to make up for the outside. We would sit on my front porch and rock in the rocking chairs and you would talk and I would smile.

You always seemed to come by at the most inconvenient times, usually when I had just put the baby down for a nap. I would be sitting down to my laptop to finally get some work done and you would knock on the front door and peek in through the top window, sending my dog into a barking fit, making the baby cry. Most days I would feel this wave of frustration at the interruption, and then I'd open the door and you would smile and tell me that look! the Lord had given you another day.

On one day in particular, I was alone in this house, overwhelmed with the pressure of gaining more website hits and expanding my business to new markets and growing bigger and wider and faster. It felt so important and so necessary, like my worth and my success and my impact would be defined by how many Facebook fans we had. I wanted to tell you to leave when you knocked that day, that I had too much important work to do, but instead we sat in our rocking chairs and you told me about your big fight.

A man accused you of stealing a lawnmower. I myself knew immediately that the man was wrong in his accusation, first because you were honest to a fault (you once admitted to sleeping in our shed on a rainy night, and you told us just because you said it felt wrong to keep anything from us) and second because that lawnmower was ours. We had put a lock on our shed that only you and my husband knew the combination to, and we had given you permission to use the lawnmower whenever you needed it for work. The man had no reason for the accusation other than the color of your skin and the condition of your clothing.

You said that you told that man that you were no thief, and then you told me something that changed the trajectory of my business. And my life.

"Miss Callie," you admitted, "that man made me angry, but do you know what I did? I told him about Jesus, because even my enemies need to know about Jesus. In fact, they're the ones that need to know about him the most."

In my world of aiming to reach wide, I had overlooked reaching deep. If my website had a million hits each month but I failed to build a relationship or make a personal impact, what had I accomplished? If everyone in this world knew the name of my business but not the name of Christ, what impact had I made? You have very little in the eyes of this world Clarence, but you have it all in the eyes of the One who made you.

You didn't come by on the 15th of November to do your yard work, and we wondered if you had found a place in the shelter on the other side of town. You used to tell us that you were "schizophrenic" because you forgot things sometimes, but we knew you wouldn't forget us, not on the first or the fifteenth. When Christmas rolled around and we didn't see you, we started to worry. I googled your name to see if you had been picked up by the police but found nothing. Another man came by asking to rake the ever-growing pile of leaves in our yard and we told him no thanks, that the job was already taken.

It's the middle of January now, and my friend called today and told me that she had some bad news. She found out that you were killed two months ago, struck by a car while you were crossing an intersection on your bicycle, about a half a mile from our house. You died that night at the Medical College Hospital, and a mutual friend who is a student there found the record of your death, listed under your birth name Parnell. I found one news article about you, saying only that a homeless man was struck and killed and that you were at fault for the incident. Your obituary simply provided the date of your death.

Your death didn't make the cover of Time magazine, there was no biography published after your passing, mourners didn't lay flowers at your graveside, you didn't even have a memorial service. But as I told my husband the news of your passing today and we hugged and cried together in the kitchen, I can tell you that your impact may not have been wide, but it was deep.

I often wondered if God sent you to me on those afternoons, and sometimes I wondered if it was Jesus himself asking me for something cold to drink or telling me that he loved the way I smiled. You said once, "You know that I love you and Mr. David and that baby of yours, right?", but we never needed to hear you say those words. You lived them, and yes, we knew.

Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. - Hebrews 13:2

What's in a Name

2012-02-05T21:11:00.003-07:00

It became popular in recent years, to hang painted letters spelling out your new child's name on the nursery walls.

I liked this particular fad, and we incorporated the names of Bug and Baby Man on the wall of their room, each with a photo frame beneath holding pictures of them as babies with Daddy. Since Daddy tends to be gone a lot more than Mommy and Mommy tends to do most of the decorating, I chose the photos and I absolutely love them.

I didn't want Vi to feel left out. So, naturally, Bug and I went to the store yesterday and bought two picture frames, some letters, some paint, some sparkle and went to work.

She was VERY excited to make this project for her sister. She kept talking about how "Vi will give me SUCH A BIG HUG when she sees this, Mama!"

Baby Man tried to help. And only got paint on his feet and hands. And pants. And my jeans. Not too shabby for a two year old.

"Wait, what? Paint the LETTERS? Thats no fun at all!"

This is his new "cheese!" face for pictures. It's hilarious. I think he *thinks* he's smiling...but he's not.

Then I was awesome and didn't buy enough wall-hanging thingys to actually complete the project, so two letters are still waiting for me to go to the store and buy more in order for her complete first name to actually hang on the wall.

(P.S. I totally Rock at craft projects. Obviously.)

But Daddy was nice enough to hang the other letters and the photo frames so they are straight. This was mostly important as he's gone off for some training and won't be home for a little bit, and when these things are left to me...well, lets just say that neither the walls nor the landlord appreciate it. It should be easy enough for me to line up two little letters though, right?

Edo commented that "I don't think Vi will really want pictures of her in the orphanage on her wall, Mom." I told him maybe not, but they are like her "baby" pictures to us, since they are the first ones we have of her and that we can definitely change them out later if she asks but for now....it's all we've got and it will have to do. I did appreciate his thoughtfulness on the matter though, and that they are all so concerned and aware of how she may or may not feel coming in to this new life. Being aware is half the battle, I think, when it comes to such complicated things.

All our kids have special names, with special meanings. Vi is no different. I love seeing her name and her photos on the wall of her room, it makes her seem less distant and more real. It means "strength and life". After meeting her, I would say it fits rather well....wouldn't you?

Things I Love This Week

2012-02-03T15:23:00.002-07:00

It's been hard being away from Vi.

I think I've mentioned that.

But! This week I've found some reasons to smile, and in spite of the hard-ness, I am grateful for these other things in my life that bring me such joy.

First, Baby Man got him some New Shoes! Every time I put them on he asks "Baby shoes? Baby shoes?!?" And they just suit his wacky personality better than any pair of shoes I've ever seen.

Second, Brothers. I mean specifically, my boys.

We had to pick Pudah up from school early one day this week to take him to the orthodontist (that kid is gonna have one very expensive mouth!). Baby Man was SO EXCITED to see his brother! They held hands and walked from the school office all the way to the car, with Pudah encouraging and praising Baby Man all the way for being "such a big boy! Look how far you can walk now!" (for a kid who only learned to walk 2 months ago, it was quite a feat!)

I pray they are always brothers of kindness and encouragement for one another. There are enough people who will tear you down and say hurtful things in this world, what a joy and blessing to have a brother by your side who will hold your hand and say "You know what? YOU ROCK!"

And last, today we received in the mail...Vi's SUITCASE!!!

It's called a Trunki. It is designed for kids to sit and ride on, with a strap I can pull along. I had been struggling with thoughts of how to manage in the airport, with long walks to gates and other baggage etc. She is simply too big to carry in any sort of carrier. And a stroller? Well, it just seemed she was beyond that and I wasn't sure how I would push that and pull a suitcase. Thank goodness for awesome people who invent cool things like this! We even got a little saddle so it's more comfortable and it has a little squeaky-horn. So cute! I can already imagine her sitting on it, heading to the airplane. Heading home.

So with all the ups and downs, there's just a few things that are keeping me smiling this week.

A Bit About Cerebral Palsy

2012-01-31T06:17:00.003-07:00

I have received several emails and messages since my post about meeting Vi from friends, who absolutely love and support us, but have had a few questions and concerns about her diagnosis and condition. These questions and concerns arose from a misunderstanding of what Cerebral Palsy (CP) IS, and what CP IS NOT. I figured if so many folks had questions they were voicing, probably even more had questions they were not voicing. So, Here is my little post all about Vi's Cerebral Palsy, brought to you by some very intelligent people over at The National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke! (click for link)

What IS Cerebral Palsy (CP)?

It is an umbrella term for a group of neurological disorders, appearing in infancy or early childhood, that affect body movement and coordination but DO NOT WORSEN OVER TIME. (That was one of the major questions I received. Vi will not get worse, she will only get better with more physical therapy and possibly a few minor surgeries! But, more on that later) It is caused by abnormalities in parts of the brain that control muscle movement, not a problem with the muscles themselves. CP is usually present at birth, but signs may not be obvious until later as a child begins to reach (or not reach) certain physical milestones.

Is there any treatment?

CP cannot be CURED, but treatment can improve the child's capabilities over time. The earlier treatment begins, the better! Treatment can include physical therapy, occupational therapy, medication (to control seizures if present, relax spasms or treat pain from stiff muscles), surgery to treat anatomical abnormalities or release tight muscles, braces and other orthotic devices, wheelchairs and rolling walkers when necessary, and even computerized voice synthesizers for individuals whose speech is affected by the CP. (Often, people with CP are perceived to have "mental disabilities" because of their physical disabilities, but this simply is not true. Even when speech is affected, with the aid of technology these individuals are able to demonstrate that they are fully capable and understand everything that is said and done around them even if they were unable to speak! It's really awesome and inspiring!)

What is the prognosis?

CP does not always cause profound disabilities. It varies widely, from severe in some individuals who may be unable to walk and need lifelong care, to mild CP where only slightly awkward movement is present (Our sweet Vi!) The above mentioned supportive treatments can help individuals with CP live their lives to the fullest of their abilities!

So, there is a very brief overview. For more information, you can visit the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke by clicking RIGHT HERE!

Heartstrings

2012-01-29T09:37:00.002-07:00

We arrived home last night.

We got up yesterday morning a 4 a.m. Port City time, and our first flight left at 7 a.m. there. 3 flights later we pulled in to our driveway at 10:40 p.m. our time, which was about 7a.m. Port City time.

That's 24 hours of travel people!

All the kids were asleep of course, and so we had to wait until this morning to see them. It took all my willpower not to go scoop them up out of their beds! Luckily for me, Baby Man got up just a few minutes before 6 a.m. and I brought him in to our room so he wouldn't wake up Bug and had some sweet baby boy snuggles! He just hugged and hugged and hugged my neck, in a sort of daze from just waking up and seemingly not totally sure if I was REALLY there! Bug woke up not too long after, and I was so happy to hear her sweet voice and have hugs from my big girl.

The Big Boys woke up, and Grandma made some muffins. Everyone was talking as fast and as loud as they could to catch us up on the last two weeks. All we could do was nod and smile, and give lots of cuddles. My heart felt so full, and yet there was still and empty space.

I sat thinking about Vi. How perfect it would be if she was here with us, and how in just a few short weeks she will be. She will get to come in to her home, and meet her siblings, and probably get more hugs and cuddles than she would like. I have a feeling she is going to do fantastic.

But even knowing it won't be long, my heart still hurts. It really hit me in her city, as we drove to the airport in the early morning darkness, that we were leaving her behind. Of course it wasn't because we had any choice in the matter, but my heart didn't seem to think it was a good time to listen to reason. All my heart knows is that I am her Mama, and that I was leaving her. My heart wanted to speed back to the orphanage, hug her one more time, be 1000% sure that she understood we would be back for her. My heart needs her to know she is our girl. That she is so cherished and loved.

We are home, but my heartstrings are pulled taught as our little girl waits for us across the ocean. It's not really home, after all, if every one of your babies isn't here with you.

It's NOT Goodbye, Just See Ya Later!

2012-01-27T11:03:00.000-07:00

Today was our last visit with Vi for awhile.

We are both flying home to wait for a court date. It could be a couple of weeks in coming, and we just can't be gone that long. Not from work or from our other kids. So I will fly back when there is court and hopefully stay until it is time to bring Vi home after that!

Our visit was good today though. She was happy as ever! It was the first time we have seen her in pants instead of a dress, but they still put warm tights on under their pants. Good thing too because it was C-O-L-D today! We had all her toys laid out on the floor to play, along with a magna-doodle I brought from home.

I got a call from our interpreter right away, asking if we had been able to get Vi's clothing measurements. I said yes, but we were not sure how to really say goodbye to her since no one there spoke english! We wanted to be SURE she understood we wouldn't see her for a little bit but we would come back as soon as we can. So, I gave Vi the phone and they chatted for a little bit. Vi would say "Da, Da" for yes and had a big smile. Then she would say a big long sentence and then listen again, then "Da", then listen, then a big long sentence. When I got the phone back our interpreter said she told her what they will tell her at the orphanage: That we had to go to work and would not visit for "a week" since she knows a week is short but doesn't really know how to count the days. They can't explain court and all of that, it's too complicated for a 5 year old. She said Vi seemed fine with that, and really just wanted to tell her "Oh, my Mama brought me a toy car!" and "My Papa brought me a phone and a doll!" So she wasn't TOO bothered that she wouldn't be seeing us for a bit, she was very excited to talk about all her new toys! This wasn't surprising since most days if she hears anyone out in the hall she runs over to the door and opens it in an attempt to show them her new toys. She isn't allowed to keep anything with her, except the doll from the first day, and she clearly desperately wants to show off her stuff to her friends!! Sounds like a pretty typical 5 year old to me!

Vi wants the music on my phone playing constantly. You may have heard it in the background yesterday, she set it to shuffle somehow and it was just playing random songs from my iTunes. Today we found some classical music by Camile Saint-Saens and she enjoyed that very much! She is also particular about the album cover that shows as the picture, so luckily this was a picture she liked as well.

Besides that we spent a lot of time playing with Papa's phone camera. Vi likes it when you push the button to flip the screen so you can see yourself. She made so many silly faces, we were cracking up! We also learned that she can snap her fingers.

AND! We finally realized why her hair is so completely awesome every day!

She does it.....HERSELF!

One of her pigtails was coming loose and I tried to fix it but she told me No! and pulled it out, then went quickly about pulling it back and using the hair tie to fix it just the way she wanted. I'm telling you what, every day I realize more and more what an independent, tough girl we've got on our hands!

My favorite part of the day was playing a game where I picked her up, then pretended to drop her little by little until her feet hit the floor. She LOVED this game! I loved it because it let me hold her, but also was a big exercise in trust since she knew I was going to drop her after the first time....but that I wouldn't drop her REALLY. Oh, how she laughed! And she would say Again, again! and up she would go.

But the most priceless moment of all...my first REAL. KISS, from my girl! I gave her one and she gave me one back, smack on the mouth, and we even caught it on video. When it was time to say goodbye, Papa got his first kiss too. It was a precious and special way to say "See ya REAL SOON!"

Pros & Cons, and Our Sunshine Girl

2012-01-26T05:35:00.001-07:00

Being in a different country is a really amazing experience, on a lot of levels.

In my case, I can't read the signs (they are all in cyrillic) and I can't speak the language ("Hello" "Goodbye" "Please and Thank You" and "I love you" really only get you so far). I think some people get frustrated or feel frightened in such circumstances, but I have found a roll-with-it attitude to be way more fun.

There is a LOT to love about this place. Besides the fact that is is the homeland of the absolutely most adorable pig-tailed brunette on the planet.....

it has other great qualities as well!

Here are just a few things to love about this country:

1) Butter. (I'm pretty sure I could eat the butter here in the same manner as one might eat a chocolate bar. Speaking of which.....)

2) Chocolate. (It's like a food-group here. Finally, a place where my favorite food gets the respect it deserves! There are like 2 isles in the middle of the store for chocolate near the bread and 2 more near the checkout. And it is F.A.B.U.L.O.U.S.)

3) Fresh bread. (That's all there is. Sure, it gets stale in 24 hours but I think that is just so you will eat it. And buy more the next day.)

4) Mopping. (Or floor maintenance in general. I have never seen cleaner floors in all my life. Walking through a store after a bit of rain or snow, you have to play "Dodge the Mops Cause They Won't Dodge You." But it is awesome because the floors are sparkly clean everywhere you go. Even McDonald's. In fact, the second day at the orphanage someone was outside mopping the muddy steps. This morning in the hotel a lady was washing the baseboards with a rag and bucket of hot water. I'm just sayin'....their version of "clean" is no joke. And its awesome.)

5) The Language. (Sure, I can't speak it. But it is still really beautiful to listen to, in my opinion.)

6) The Driving. (NASCAR ain't got NOTHING on these folks! For. Real. It's like a live-version of Mario-Kart, only with obstacles like buses and babushka's. After the first day when you are pretty certain your death is imminent around every corner, it gets a lot more fun!)

Of course, in all the culture shock, there are bound to be a few things that disagree with me:

1) Warm Drinks (Nothing comes with ice. Nothing. And don't ask for it because A. the water is not safe to drink anyways and B. they will look at you like you sprouted a second head. It's actually not so bad, except this morning when we walked in to the little cafe to have some breakfast I was freezing cold, and the waitress commented on how cold I must be. Since I don't drink tea or coffee, I think she decided to do me a favor and microwave my orange juice. That was a special experience.)

2) The Language (Yes, it can be both a pro and a con! Why? Cause it's my blog and I said so! Seriously though, as much as I love to listen to it, it is just. so. hard. when someone is saying something to you over and over....and you plain old can't understand them.)

3) The Driving (Another one that simply has to go in both categories. There are no real lanes, stopping seems to be viewed as more of a suggestion, and pedestrians frequently test fate by jumping out to cross the road without warning. Oh, and the seat belts usually don't work. So getting in the car can feel more like rock climbing without ropes but the upside is you feel like a total badass every time you get out of the car without being dead.)

So far, that is my list. And since two of the cons are actually pros depending on how you look at it, I would say overall it's been a positive experience!

And now, mandatory cuteness:

We brought an aqua-doodle, a flute & harmonica, and two toy cars. She really loved the musical instruments, and wanted to carry both around with her the whole time. When our visit was over she asked the nanny if she could take them, but of course they said no. She gave them to Mama, without a fuss, and with a great big hug she was off to have her lunch. It was another wonderful visit, but the time is just going by faster and faster and too soon we will have to say goodbye for a few weeks. I can hardly bear the thought.

I have to give a shout out today to my 4 big kids at home. I miss you guys so very, very much! Mama thinks about you all the time and I can't wait to see you very soon!! I am so proud of how well you have been behaving and helping Grandma, especially Bug and Baby Man for choosing to sleep through the night for her.....do you think we can keep that up when Mama gets home? Edo & Pudah I know you have both been amazing big brothers this last two weeks, and as always I could not be prouder of my biggest boys. You set such a good example for your siblings to follow, Vi is going to be incredibly lucky to have such amazing brothers! We love you to the moon and back!

Lessons: The Bigger Picture

2012-01-25T08:21:00.001-07:00

Today's visit.....was more difficult, but not for reasons on would expect.

First I will say, Vi was FANTASTIC. That girl! I can't even imagine having to leave her, already it is tearing at my heart just the thought even though it will only be a couple weeks. We will just miss her so incredibly!

We actually saw Vi on the way down the stairs in to the playroom today and she seemed both surprised AND thrilled to see us! We both got a big, big hug and a great tooth-less grin.

We both noticed right away that she was moving slower today, her legs seemed more stiff somehow. I am not sure if it was because it was much colder? I am hoping some other Mama's of kids with CP can give me a clue here. It was a lot colder outside this morning, but I am also hoping our visits are not interfering with physical therapy or stretching they have been doing with her. She didn't walk or run quite as much, and she definitely fell down more. She was still happy-go-lucky as ever, but it's like her legs just weren't cooperating as well as they have the previous two days.

We decided to give her the snack we brought pretty much right away, so it hopefully would not interfere too much with her lunch. She was still pleased to have it, but less shove-it-in-your-mouth-before-someone-takes-it-away today. She shared all three wafers with Mama and Papa, smiling and giggling all the while. She took her time with the juice and the apple, the apple was still less than half eaten when the visit was over.

She's a sassy girl too though! At one point I told her "I love you, Vi," in Russian and her reply? "I love PAPA!" What can you say to that? :)

We also brought her a pink toy cellphone, that looks quite a bit like mine. It has a screen with fake apps on it, and certain buttons make different noises. One button makes a song play. I showed it to her ONE TIME, and that was all it took. She wanted to push that button over and over, and she would do a little wiggle dance, smile, clap, hold it to her ear and to our ears. Then she took it over to this giant stuffed orangutan, which to be honest I had been wondering for 3 days what on earth anyone could DO with such a large stuffed animal.

Apparently, you can do this:

We were having a great time, when another woman entered the room. She took off her coat and boots, just like us, and came to sit on the couch. A few moments later one of the nannies came in....and handed this woman a baby.

HER. Baby.

She buried her face in his neck, rocked him and hugged him and whispered sweet things to him (even though it was in Russian, a Mama's heart speaks the same language anywhere.) I would guess he was about 6 months old. Her cheeks were wet with tears, as she sat on the small yellow couch to spend perhaps an hour with what was clearly the love of her life.

It was almost impossible for me to stay focused on Vi while they were there. My whole body and soul hurt for this woman, and for her child. I have no idea why, or what brought them to this place of having to be apart, but I do NOT doubt that she loved this child very much. We do not even begin to understand what it means to live in this country, the hardships people face, or conditions that lead to these so called "social orphans", and so I do not judge her or even pretend to know what was going on in their lives. I just.....wish it was different.

To hear or read about it....is nothing compared to reality. To see it. To SEE HER. broke my heart.

I saw she had brought an old camera (with film! They still make those!) and I offered to take her picture with her son. She smiled gratefully, and wiped the tears from her face. It took all my strength and might not to cry with her. I took two photos of them together. For all I know those could be the only photos she will ever have with her son. She took more photos later, with him propped on the couch between stuffed animals, but it is not the same as having their photo together and I was grateful to be able to perform some small kindness for a person who was clearly so deeply hurting.

Before too long the nanny returned. She spoke to the mother, but also to Vi a little bit. Vi said, in Russian, "That is his Mama?" And the nanny replied yes. "I have a Mama AND a Papa!" she proclaimed. Yes you do, the nanny replied. The mother on the sofa, her face crumpled with sadness at the statement. We sat there, unable to even offer and words of comfort because our language would mean nothing to her, as her little bundle of sweetness was carried away again.

I guess I'm not quite sure why I am sharing this story. Except...I want people to realize they can't judge. We can't assume anything. We can't come here, or anywhere else in the world and proclaim we have all the answers, or adoption is the best way, or anything else for that matter. Our primary goal should be to do good when we can, where we can, and to leave the judgement out of it.

And pray for the many, many Mama's who will have to carry on another day (and most like for many more days) without their sweet one in their arms, while we hope for a future where families who love and want to be together can make that dream come true.

Second Day, Bigger Smiles!

2012-01-24T06:07:00.002-07:00

Oh man, was our girl happy to see us when she walked in to the play room this morning! I don't think I've ever seen a bigger smile.

We were in the room just a few minutes before her, and there was a small table we set up with some play dough we had bought. It came as a kit in a little bag, with 4 colors and then a bunch of different tools and molds.

She was excited to come over and see, but she didn't want to sit she wanted to stand by the table. The small cans of play dough were hard to open at first, so she handed me one but I couldn't open it either so I gave it to Papa. She thought that was very funny! Once we got it open, she was most fascinated with the scissors. She would cut off pieces of the play dough and give it to Mama or Papa, and started saying "Thank you!" when I said thank you. Vi is incredibly independent, she wanted to do everything for herself. Her favorite thing was opening and closing the cans, even though it was very hard, I think just to show that she could do it like Papa. Then she packed all the play dough up in the little bag, told us "Paka!" (bye bye) and pretended to leave. We said "Paka!" and she laughed and laughed. I only know one girl who loves to laugh as much as Vi, and that is her sister, our sweet Bug! These two are going to be a riot when we get them together!

Then she saw my bag and went over to look in it, asking over and over for the camera. She was making the clicking motion with her hands, in case I didn't understand what she was looking for. I did understand, but we didn't bring the camera on purpose because yesterday while she thoroughly enjoyed herself taking pictures the camera simply wasn't built for that kind of.....excitement. Vi was clearly annoyed when she couldn't find it, but I did have some bubbles. Those were interesting for about half a second, until I wouldn't let her hold the container. I am pretty sure she was saying "Please! Please!" but I told her Nyet and she frowned and had a little 5 second tantrum before deciding she would rather look at her book again.

Papa started blowing some bubbles and she was happy to jump around a bit and pop them, but soon she was sitting next to him and soon after that the bubbles were in her hands. :)

She did excellent with them though! She didn't spill a drop. She must have been trying to tell me she knew how to do it before when I made her angry because clearly this was not new to her. Vi knew just how to hold them and dip the wand and blow big bubbles.....ALL BY HER SELF. This Mama is going to have to try and remember I've got a very capable and independent girl on my hands!

We decided maybe to try giving her a snack, a juice box and some little wafer cookies. Well, I can't read Russian and I thought I was buying similar small wafers to the ones I had seen another parent with yesterday based on the color of the packaging and the picture, but they were in fact three LARGE chocolate wafers when Vi got the package open! She was THRILLED to say the least. She munched and munched away on the first, and then the second wafer. By the third she had slowed down a bit and I asked her "Can Mama have a bite?" She smiled so big and held the cookie out for me! I took a small bite, and then she held it out for Papa! He took a bite too and she laughed and laughed some more. Then she would take a bite, then Mama then Papa and so on until the last wafer was gone!

Unfortunately, the orphanage doctor decided to drop by and visit us just as Vi was cramming her mouth full of the second cookie. I felt my face flush. We had been told it was ok to bring, but I still thought we might be in trouble somehow. The doctor just smiled, and said "That is good, Vi." and smiled at us, saying a few things in Russian and again "That is good" to the juice and cookies. I don't know if she meant the actual food choice was good, or just that it was good we brought her a snack, but she didn't seem angry or displeased so we were very relieved.

We also gave her an apple, even though she is missing her front teeth she didn't miss a beat! She just dug right in and was all smiles for her special treat.

Here she is going to town with the apple and finishing up her juice. Even when the box was empty she kept pretending to drink from it, just to make us laugh!

She caught me recording with my phone though, and wanted to see how it worked. I quickly switched it back to just the main screen and said "See? It's a phone! Hello, Vi!" and she busted up giggling. She took it from me and held it to her ear "'Ello?" Then she said something about this was Vi, and she was "with her Mama and Papa, Goodbye!" She repeated that conversation over and over. She would say Hello in to the phone and I would say hello then she would say again Vi is with her Mama and Papa, Goodbye! with a great. BIG. grin!

Eventually she returned to her snack. About half way through her apple a loud bell rang, like you hear between classes at school, and shortly after that one of the nannies came in to take Vi. She was much less pleased to see Vi having a snack, thank goodness all she saw was the apple! It was about 11:45 a.m. I asked "Is it time for her to go to lunch?" and frowning the nanny replied "Da." Oops.

I asked Vi in english if I could have a hug, and she happily obliged. Papa also asked for a hug and she gave him one too! She is generally a little more hesitant to sit near my husband or be very close to him, which is normal for kids in an orphanage who are only used to female caretakers. So this was a big deal! We said goodbye and she said goodbye and see you later in Russian.

We packed up our things, put our shoes back on and headed out in to the hallway. Vi was about half way up the stairs with her nanny, and her nanny told her to turn around and say goodbye again to Mama. I blew her a kiss, and then decided that just wasn't good enough, so I hopped up the few stairs between us and got THE. BIGGEST. HUG. She really held on tight this time, I could tell it was different. She gave me a smooshy-apple kiss and then turned to wait for her Papa! He came up the stairs too. I don't know what was going on in her sweet little mind, but something. Something. Was. Different. She hugged him tightly and I could see her face over his shoulder....she didn't want him to go. There was just a hint of sadness in her eyes and the hug lasted just a few seconds longer. She said "Paka!" and see you later again, and followed her nanny up the stairs, and I am pretty sure she took my heart with her.

I wish I could film every single second we are with her. It is really too amazing for words.

***I keep forgetting to mention how old she is! She is 5 years old, and about 6 months older than Bug. :) Now you know! ***

Meeting Vi

2012-01-23T11:15:00.000-07:00

Because I know this is what you came for:

Our first picture!

And here is how we got there.

This morning got off to a slow start. We had to go sit in avery old office building and wait in the hallway for a little over an hourbecause our referral had to be signed by someone important ti give us officialpermission to visit.

It got signed, and I was given a brief interview as to why Iwanted to adopt, why was my husband (who was sitting right there) not adoptingwith me (his training schedule won’t allow him to be here for court) and why wewanted to adopt a child with special needs. Our translator did a fantastic job of making me sound good,and our form got signed. We alsoshared our photo book, which never fails to impress.

Someone from that office had to come along with us for thefirst meeting, to write an official record of our daughter’s information orsomething. But first we had todrive almost all the way to the orphanage and sit outside another officebuilding while this lady went in a did MORE paperwork. By this time it was 11:55 a.m. and wewere told we would get to see our girl “very briefly” as it would be nap timeat noon.

When we arrived at the orphanage, everyone was friendly andsmiling. We were taken in to thedirector’s office, with our translator and one of the orphanage doctors.

The director had a large file, and began going of ourdaughter’s history. Clearly, thatis private information, which I will not share. But it was good for us to hearand to know. The only thing I can share is that she has cerebral palsy, whichaffects both of her legs.

About 5 minutes in, the door opened and someone pushed ourgirl in the door and shut it.

She was stunned. It seemed she had not been made aware ofwhat was happening or why, and she regarded us quizzically at first. We werestunned. The picture had turned into a person! My mind was literally swimming, I could not remember a.single.word.of Russian. I couldn’t remember how to greet her, or how to tell her she wasabsolutely gorgeous, or how to say I am your Mama. Nothing. Just complete shock.

Our translator offered to take a picture of all of us.

Then I remembered I had a Disney princess doll in my bag togive her. I pulled it out, and she smiled. I asked if she wanted to sit on my lap, and she did. The director and doctor began talkingagain, but all I could do was stare at the sweet, brown pigtails swishing infront of me. Her little hands turning the doll over, as she began to speak alittle bit. She began to realizewhat was happening.

We were there FOR. HER.

Our sweet little Vi.

She looked up and asked me “What is your name?” inRussian. I told her “Lora.Mama.” She looked straight toDean, “What is your name?” He toldher “Dean. Papa.” She looked to the director and smiled “Mama! Papa!”

Everyone was absolutely beaming, and perhaps had just a glint oftears in their eyes.

“I kept asking for you!! Mama? Mama? Mama? When will youcome??” she said, according to our translator.

They told us she was very kind, communicative (pretty sure this is code for "dramatic"!) and "has a musical ear."

They asked if we had any questions. I couldn’t think acoherent thought if I tried at that point. They said we could visit for alittle and we stood up. I asked her to take Papa’s hand, and she did. Stillsmiling. They walked down the hall, hand in hand. She knew just where we weregoing. The room, where the children who have a Mama and Papa go to play. Theroom where she must have seen so many friends go to play before being adopted,and now it was HER TURN to go in.

She was talkingten million miles a minute. She told us her whole name. She grabbed a smallpush toy and started running with it, to show us how strong and fast shewas. After a few minutes we pulledout our photo book and she was absolutely enthralled. She stood in front of me as I turned the pages. The firstone of Dean and I she shrieked “MAMA! PAPA!” My little bit of Russian startedcoming back as I pointed out her brothers, sister, dog, and cat. She tried outeach of their names in English. We had a picture of her house, she shriekedagain “I LIKE that house! I want to go live THERE! And then I won’t come hereANYMORE!” she said confidently. “Where are the beds?” she asked. I didn’t takepictures of the bedrooms. The translator told her. “Well,” Vi said, “I won’t besleeping anyways, I will be too busy running around!”

To say this child has spirit doesn’t do her justice. To sayshe has spunk is an understatement. To say she is brilliant just doesn’t quitecut it.

She. Is. AMAZING.

Nothing can stop her. She walks, runs, jumps up from sittingon the floor. She stumbles and falls, but gets right back up.

She took the book from me, and looked at it on her own onthe floor. When she was done, she kissed Mama and Papa on the front.

We had to go do some paperwork, so we said goodbye. The director told us at that point thatVi had knocked her front teeth out recently by falling. She had expressed a great deal ofconcern that her Mama would come and not want her because she was missing herteeth! She apparently had told them her teeth needed to hurry up and grow in soher Mama would come get her! Doesthat break your heart as much as it breaks mine?

When we were leaving the director kept saying “Thank you,Thank you, Thank you.” Thank you for coming. Thank you for coming for Vi. Thankyou for being her family. Somehow it didn’t seem right. I wanted to thank HER,for loving Vi, for caring for her all this time when no one else would, formaking sure she would be still amazing and full of her sweet spirit when wefinally found her.

We were able to come visit again at 4 p.m., this timewithout our translator. Vi seemedtired and quiet at first, she must have just woken from her nap. But shequickly warmed up again, and was off and running. We raced the push-cars. Sherode the horses. She found a blue ball and threw it to Papa, to Mama, andlaughed like it was the best game she had ever played in her life.

We stayed two more hours. In that time she was already learning a few English words,like “Kick it!” to the ball. Sheis definitely catching on to our English faster than we are catching on to herRussian! But she doesn’t get frustrated she just keeps right on talking untilwe get the message, whatever she is trying to tell us.

She L.O.V.E.D. my camera, and once she saw how to work itshe took about 200 pictures herself! She thought it was so great, to takepictures of Mama and Papa, and even turned it around to take pictures ofherself! We would show her the pictures and she would laugh and laugh and shouther name. She took pictures of allthe toys, and of every photo in her photo book. She wanted Mama to make faces,and would laugh hysterically when I stuck my tongue out. She sat in my lap several times, andgave me hugs and kisses. The camera took quite a beating, so we may not havetoo many more photos of visits since she was so obsessed with it I am sure ifwe take it out for future visits it will be all she wants to play with!

One of my biggest concerns was that Vi would have a timidpersonality, and get run over metaphorically speaking by the big personalitiesin our house. However, that worry was completely unfounded! She is so strong, sodetermined, so full of life and laughter and LOVE. Her bright blue eyes and her great tooth-less grin slay myheart.

She is absolutely, without a doubt, Our Girl.

The Train~Day 5

2012-01-22T05:40:00.002-07:00

Last night I had to catch a train from Capital City (where I had such a total blast with Jen & Mike and Ana all week!) to Port City, where out daughter's orphanage is located. It was an overnight train, so it left around 9:50 and was supposed to arrive at about 7 a.m.

Or so I was told.

Niko (the driver) got me on the train, all set up, and made sure the lady who was like a train-stewardess knew I was American and generally clueless. This meant she could let me know important things, like when it was time to get off the train. Niko said "there will be some lady, she will speak not english, who will pick you up at train." Oooook.....Since basically no one speaks english I am not sure how I am going to differentiate between her and the dozens of other non-english speaking women but he seems confident this will not be a problem and so I try not to worry.

I have heard a lot of stories about this infamous Train from other adoptive families, but I am now convinced not the same train goes to every city because my train was actually pretty awesome:

The Train:

Check out the cute beds!

The compartment is tiny, but it's only for sleeping and all my luggage fit nicely under my seat.

View to the right: there is a bathroom down there. Very much like an airplane bathroom, except it flushed with HOT water, you could see the steam come up when it flushed, and everything was metallic.

To the left: More compartments.

My little compartment from just outside the door:

Bye-Bye Capital City!

Riding the Train was a very surreal experience for me though. I mean, here I am, on the other side of the world. Away from everyone and everything I know, and I don't speak the language. I'm alone, and I'm in a sleeper compartment of a passenger train for the first time in my LIFE. I haven't spent so much time on my own since before I had kids which was.....12 years ago. I just thought about how far I have come in my life, to reach this point where I can do this. Go to another country. Alone. Face all sorts of challenges and adventure, and really truly ENJOY every second of it. I haven't felt scared or lonely. I haven't felt unsure or incapable. I have been prepared for this moment through so many other difficult experiences, and laying there in the dark falling asleep the the gentle rocking of the train I was really, deeply and truly, grateful for each trial in my life that has prepared me to be capable to handle this experience.

At 5:30 a.m. the stewardess knocked on my door, and said several things in russian. Obviously, I didn't understand. So I just said the name of the city and she said "Da!" and that meant yes so I packed up my nook and iPod and when the train stopped, I got off.

It was raining. And still very much dark. And most definitely NOT 7 a.m. I didn't see anyone obviously looking for me, so I started walking with the crowd hood up and head down. It didn't matter, because everyone here wears black or grey coats in the winter and my white NorthFace jacket made me stick out like a sore thumb. No less than 20 people tried to ask me if I needed a taxi. They were smiling and friendly, but it was dark and raining and I was just a tad bit freaked out so I said Nyet and kept walking. It took nearly 10 minutes to get in to the station. I pulled out my phone and called Niko, certain that the early train was probably not a good thing. He was sound asleep and clearly not real happy to hear my voice. " I tell you, some woman will be there. Stay at train." Yeah....I'm already pretty far from the train. "Why you leave train?!?" Because I was told to get off and it was raining and I didn't want to stand there looking stupid and getting soaked. At this point a tall woman with red hair and a panic-stricken face ran over saying "Lora?!?! Lora??!? Train too soon!! Too SOON!" She must have heard me speaking english on my phone.

Clearly. this was my ride. Niko said "I told you she come." and off I went. Lida was super sweet, and spoke more english than I speak russian so that was a plus. She told me "People in capital very....*sticks her nose in the air and huffs*" I laughed. Yes, a lot of them are. She said "People here, they say Hahahahaha!" I took that to mean they were friendly. And indeed they certainly seemed to be. She drove me to a hotel, which didn't look like much on the outside but my room is really awesome.

The Hotel:

I was so happy to take a shower and crawl in to bed. I slept ok on the train, but this was much, much better. I didn't wake up until 11:00 a.m. because my phone rang. Alyona, my facilitator here, wanted to be sure the time my husband would get in, and said I would get picked up to go get him around 7:15 p.m. I got dressed and went down the the lobby to ask about the internet. The gentleman who owns the hotel is american, he sounds like he's from N.Y. He was super nice, and said he does have a lot of adoptive parents stay here. We talked some about the situation, economic and political, that is unfortunately making it so difficult at this point in time to adopt. He gave me a map in english.

And THEN! One of my friends, Kate, from Reece's Rainbow walked in the door with her adorable baby and very nice husband Dale!

It was so cool to get to chat with ANOTHER family I had previously only known online and from Facebook. They were so cool, and it was great to hear about their experience so far as we prepare to meet our daughter tomorrow. They were going to the grocery store, and were kind enough to let me tag along. This was perfect because they already knew where everything was having been her almost a week ahead of me. I got some meat and cheese, bread and olives, water and juice, nutella and a sponge cake. I still don't convert the money well in my head, but I had more than enough by the time we checked out and my reusable grocery bags are definitely coming in handy! I have two that roll up and snap very small, so they go in my bigger bag but I can pull them out easily for shopping. I highly recommend bringing at least two!

Now I am back in my room, waiting to go get my husband this evening!! I had a ham( ??? possibly some other meat? I cooked it first just in case!) and cheese sandwich, and two pieces of sponge cake with nutella, which may just be my new favorite thing.

Tomorrow. Finally. The real adventure begins.

The anticipation and wonder is almost too much. All the work, and hope, the loss and tears culminating in this moment that seemed for so long might just be a dream. Our lives, and the life of this sweet precious child, are about to change forever.

A Snowy Day in Eastern Europe~Day 4

2012-01-21T11:56:00.000-07:00

I gotta run catch a train so here is our final day in the city, in pictures!

Can you guess what we did today?

Tomorrow I will meet up with my husband in our daughter's city and Monday.....we will meet her face to face!

Churches, Referrals and Chocolate, oh my!~Day 3

2012-01-20T13:13:00.002-07:00

It snowed today.

I walked out the front door this morning with my apartment friends, and the gentleman remarked "Gosh this is pretty."

And I said "Pretty's a word....."

The truth is, it was absolutely freezing. Snow was blowing sideways into our eyes and faces as we headed up the hill towards some nearby sightseeing.

First, St. Michael's Golden-Domed Monastery. This is like the bell tower out in front. And that's me freezing my face off.

There was some very lovely artwork along the walls, and under the bell tower were two small gift shops and an entrance to a museum.

Jennifer and her husband decided to see the museum but I wasn't really interested, so I wandered off towards the main building. I guess that would be the monastery part?

A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

Even in the snow and grey. I am sure its absolutely stunning in the sunlight.

I went inside, with my headscarf on because thats the rules, but I wasn't allowed to take pictures. People were lighting small candles, whispering and making cross signs, and after about 5 minutes I decided I should probably go back out and wait for my catholic roommates to come with and explain what was going on or if I was doing anything wrong.

I went back to the museum entrance and asked if my friends were back yet. The woman didn't speak english, but she waved me on through and said something that seemed to mean "Go on ahead and catch up with them, we don't need your $5."

The museum was pretty cool, and a few of the signs even had english explanations but the COOLEST part was getting to go up to the bell tower.

This is now programmed, like a player-piano, to do certain things at certain times and play different songs for different days of the year and holidays etc. all the way until like 2099 of something incredible like that.

I caught about 30 seconds of the bells tolling to mark the half hour:

Here I am way up in the bell tower, and there is St. Michael's behind me.

We then decided to walk across the street and down a ways to St. Sophia's Cathedral. Unfortunately it looked like they were setting up for something outside of it and it was closed so we could not go in.

This statue was in the courtyard. It appeared to be a religious figure on a horse with some kind of weapon. Religious figures apparently used to be pretty much way more stud-ly.

We decided to wander about in search of the toy store, but we never found it. The streets and sidewalks were slushy, people were outside their stores and shops shoveling the walk.

Two ladies caught my eye as the strolled by. Fur coats, jewelry, leather boots. But the real kicker was they were THE. ONLY. PEOPLE. we had seen in the whole city using an umbrella. Very posh. I especially like the contrast of the older woman shoveling snow directly in front of them.

We had to be at the Adoption Authority at 3 pm, but we were early so we stopped to eat.

My husband will be totally shocked to see the photo of my lunch below.

Actually. No. He won't. :)

Seriously yummy.

We rested happy and warm for a bit, happy to have found a spot with chocolate and employees who spoke english.

But before long it was time to brave the cold again, and head over for a very important moment.

Before going inside, I decided I should do what we had seen other folks doing, although we didn't know why.

This statue had a beetle on the gentleman's bottom. People would stop to rub it, presumably for good luck or something.

See? Its like way shiner than the rest of the statue from all the rubbing.

People also rubbed the lady's nose. So we did that too. You know, just in case it was important.

This church we also did not go in, but it's directly across a small street from the adoption authority and it was very pretty. St. Andrew's.

A member of the facilitation team arrived then, with another family and we all headed inside. We sat for a long while, and more and more people came in with other facilitators speaking different languages. It was quite the international experience.

Eventually, a lady came downstairs and sat in a very small cubby at a desk with a pile of papers and a sort of record book full of graph paper. She would call up a family, write some stuff in the book, make an x, and ask you to sign. You signed and she gave you the papers.

This is your dossier, EVERY single paper we prepared, notarized and apostilled over the last 8 months in order to be here. They had taken it, translated it, stitched it together (with actual string, kind of like a book binding?), and now were handing it back to me to take to our child's city.

Along with the most important paper of all: The Referral!

This gives me information about our child, along with permission to go and start visiting her in the orphanage!

Awesome.

We came back to the apartment, and had a long visit with Ana. It was too cold to go out wandering about so she came here to see me. We talked to my brother in law for a long time on Skype, she ordered pizza which after being in a country where almost no one understands you for a week seemed like manna falling from heaven!! We thoroughly enjoyed her company, had great conversation, and now I am ready to head to bed tired, but very happy and grateful for what will transpire in the next few days. This week in this city has been one I will never forget.

But realizing the moment of meeting our child in 3 short days is really going to happen.....I am sure everything up to this point as wonderful as it has been will pale in comparison!

Adoption Authority Action~Day 2

2012-01-19T07:05:00.001-07:00

Today was a BIG. DAY.

It was a big step in the process, and having heard from a lot of other families I was a bit concerned having to face it by myself. I wasn't sure if being alone would invite MORE questions, I wasn't sure exactly what I would say if they asked how we had chosen this country for adoption, which I was told to expect they would along with why would you want a special needs child.

The nerves kept me from sleeping much, I stayed up late and woke up super early. We got a phone call that our driver would arrive around 10:20 last night, but we were ready way before that. Well, except for Jen's husband, he's a total slacker and was still in his pajamas at 10. So Jen and I had to gang up on him and nag him endlessly until he had no choice but to surrender.

Our driver came and we drove about 5 minutes to the adoption authority building. The moment had finally come to meet the facilitator who has been working so hard for us these many long months, fighting for the List, broken-hearted when Tanner became unavailable.

He was exactly as I imagined he would be.
(He's the one on the phone)

Competent and confident, you have a hard time being nervous with this guy by your side. He is big, and loud, with a fantastic sense of humor and a go-get-it-done attitude. I took the opportunity to ask him a few important questions, including what he thought about the great name debate: Keep or change? Do we keep any part of their given name or give them an all new American name? His answer was without hesitation and incredibly forceful "No, you do NOT keep the name. These children, they do not want. They do not LIKE. They want to forget this life, orphanage, all of this. You must change."

Interesting.

This was definitely NOT what we had planned on doing. But Serge has been doing this a very, very long time and I value his opinion quite highly. So it's kinda back to the drawing board on the name thing. I have to talk it over with my husband, this time difference is killer.

We waited in a very tiny space at the bottom of some stairs for about 15 minutes.

They called the first couple ahead of me, and they were gone for about another 15 minutes with Serge. I sat by myself on the small brown couch. I looked around and all I could think was....this is really happening. I'm here, and this meeting I've heard about for 8 months is about to happen and I really hope I don't screw it up!

The other couple came down, Serge motioned for me to follow.

We walked in to a small office and he said I could sit on the couch near a very small coffee table. People walked about and he asked some questions in Russian. After just a couple minutes a woman came and sat in a chair with a sheet protector in which our child's entire life was written on two pages with a small photo stapled to the top. She didn't introduce herself, or look at me directly, or say anything.

Serge: Ok, now first you will have many questions but the doctor at the orphanage will answer. We want to know a little about you. What is your profession?

Me: I'm a Registered Nurse, I work at the hospital.

Serge: Ok. And do you have any biological children?

Me: Yes, Four Children.

The woman, who had yet to even look at me, looked up and her eyes snapped wide open. Her and Serge both literally had their jaws drop.

Apparently my number of children doesn't translate well in any country.

Appointment Lady: YOU?!?! 4?!?!? (as she held her hand up with 4 fingers, just to be sure we were in fact counting the same.)

Serge: How many you say?!? All are YOURS?!? Biological?!?!

Me: Yes, all four biological. You didn't know that Serge?

Serge: NO! You very much surprise me!

Odd. I get this same reaction in the states. It was like being at the grocery store. This I was totally able to handle. I was in my comfort zone now. I smiled my kindest smile.

Me: Would you like to see my pictures?

Appointment Lady: (incredulous and shocked) Yes! Very much! (for the record, I don't think she believed me or she thought we were still having a misunderstanding.)

I pulled out the book, which is hardcover and made on my Mac with iPhoto, so it looked very professional even though it wasn't. Our whole family is on the front, and then inside there is a picture of me and my husband first followed by one page of each of our kids and a small description. It also shows our house outside, the park across the street with the little ones playing in the dirt, our pets, our living room, playroom, dinner table and our many bookshelves. Serge said "What a library you have!" She loved the framed puzzle map as well, from our fundraiser. The last page I had a map of her country and a picture of their flag. It said "We are so excited to have you become part of our family. We look forward to learning more about (your country) from you, and we will make sure you are always proud of your country and heritage!)" Serge gave me a big smile and a wink, "That. Is Good."

He pulled a photo from her sheet protector to keep that is probably almost 2 years old, and allowed me to take a photo of the very small 2x2 photo of her as a very young child, probably 1 year or 18 months old.

Then he said "She is beautiful girl, very kind and lovely. That is all. Ok, say Thank you-byebye."

Uhm...what? That's it?

Serge: Yes! Thank you-bye-bye!

Well ok then! Bye bye!

They didn't ask me any questions, just smiled, handed me my book, had me sign one sheet of paper and we left. I guess the book and the fact that I have 4 kids was enough for them to feel like I must know what I'm doing. The two other families who I came with this morning had many more questions asked of them and spent a much longer time in the office. I think I was there for 3 minutes tops.

Pretty cool, right?

Now we just hang out in the big city a couple more days, I pick up our official referral tomorrow, go shopping in the square on Saturday and then catch a train overnight to her city to meet her.

MEET. HER.

ON. MONDAY!

My husband will be flying straight to her city without having to come to the capital like I did, and I will meet up with him on Sunday so we can meet her together.

It's really going to happen.

Reece's Rainbow Takes the City: Day 1

2012-01-18T13:57:00.001-07:00

Today was my first big day out in the Big City!

Luckily, I was feeling much better since all the craziness of last night. My eyesight was bit fuzzy early on, but it wore off around lunch time finally. I felt kind of nauseous off and on, but I'm pretty much back to normal.

Well. Normal for me anyways. :)

We got up pretty late, or at least I did, around 10. We had made plans to meet for lunch at T.G.I. Friday's with a couple other Reece's Rainbow families. It was so awesome to get to meet so many people who until now I have only known through RR and the Facebook groups.

Does this sign look familiar to anyone?

4 awesome families, who will all meet their little ones in the next week! (And I am sitting across from my two roomies, Jennifer and Michael)

Then it was time to take the city!

And by that I mean wander about, and take annoying tourist photos.

We were near Independence Square, some of these I took before lunch I think.

Me and two other very, VERY excited to be here Mama's!

The Square.

Tower thing. I don't know what it's called or if it even has a name, but it is a symbol of the country's independence.

Then I wandered about with Jennifer & Michael and did some shopping. We found this funny restaurant directly across from a real McDonald's. It's like McD's except only chicken.

It got dark very early, but I was able to meet up with my brother in law's girlfriend, Ana. She was awesome, and it was really neat to walk around the city with someone who knows where they are going and what to see. There are still a lot of Christmas lights everywhere, since their Christmas was just January 7th. The city just looks magical at night this way.

Hey look! There's me in front of the lights! My orange bag and white coat sticks out like a sore thumb in a sea of black coats and black hand bags, but...oh, well. If it looks like a tourist and walks like a tourist.....it's probably just me.

Here is another cool site Ana took me to see, the Friendship Arch. It looks very cool in the dark.

And there were two statues underneath it. Which looked rather imposing and impressive.

Behing the arch there was a place you could go and overlook the city and the river. It was a beautiful site with all the lights, obviously not captured well by my camera, but you can kind of see how high up we are.

We walked back down and around, past more beautiful lights and some fountains. It was getting pretty cold by this time, even with my gloves, hat and coat

Here are Ana and I in the cold.

I can't even say how much I love this city.

I. Love. This. City.

Of course it is hard not speaking the language, but it is generally clean and full of interesting sites. The people are beautiful, the food is delicious. I'm just completely in love with all of it.

I mean, how can you NOT love a city with a sculpture of Two Lamposts in Love and Chairs in a Tree?

It's nearly 11p.m. here, so I should get to bed. Tomorrow is a VERY big day, when I will go to the adoption authority in this city and ask for our daughter's file/referral. It is a HUGE step in this process, so please keep me in your thoughts and prayers while I get through this interview process on my own!

Here I am! In....that country who's name I can't say yet!

2012-01-17T18:34:00.000-07:00

Well, I am here!

The second leg of my trip went to Frankfurt, Germany and it was a real long plane ride. But! There were very few people so I got an isle to myself to stretch out and try to sleep. (This was unsuccessful by the way.)

The third plane trip I got to meet another Reece's Rainbow family on their way to adopt as well! They are so nice. So nice in fact they are letting me split the cost of renting and apartment here so I don't have to be all alone while in the capital city!

Although, perhaps now they wish they hadn't been so nice. You see, after the 1st plane ride where I nearly barfed, I remembered my doctor had given me some patches to help with nausea/car/airplane sickness. People going on a cruise or who have Parkinson's disease use it often as well. I was thrilled when I remembered they were in my bag! They are small patches called scopolamine, and you just put one behind each ear at is slowly releases medicine over 72 hours.

Several hours in to my first set of patches, I was feeling much better on the nausea front. But I was feeling much worse on a few other fronts. My head started to hurt suddenly and severely, but I thought it was from the planes, changes in pressure, not eating enough/drinking enough water, being at a lower altitude than I'm used to or some combination of those things.

Then it got worse. I started to feel almost drunk. Like my body was moving in slow motion. Things stopped making sense.

And then, I started hallucinating. Talking to people who weren't there, mostly Bug or Baby Man. I thought I heard him crying and ran around looking for him. I had entire conversations with Hannah, only to blink and she had vanished. I couldn't remember, but at one point I put my boots on because I thought we were going somewhere because I thought I had something to go and do right that very second. Thank goodness for my awesome Reece's Rainbow buddies, they tried to keep me in line and kept me from walking out the door in this very strange state. I think at some point I was told to take the patches off, and I did. I googled the medication and sure enough....

Scopolamine patches may cause side effects. Tell your doctor if any of these symptoms are severe or do not go away:

Nice.
If it's bold and italicized, those are the things that were happening me last evening and even on in to this morning when I got up to wander around and try to find my babies because I could hear Baby Man crying.....and then I remembered where I was and he wasn't here with me. My head still feels like its stuffed with cotton, and my vision is fairly blurry. Like I can't read the screen on my phone or on this computer unless they are pretty much arm's length away.

Why do I always get the crazy side effects??? I also had a reaction to Septra that I was taking last week for a minor infection. But after 3 doses I had an extremely stiff neck and strong headache that four motrin didn't even make dent in. Of course these are the symptoms they say "Tell your doctor if you experience these symptoms." Well it was a Saturday so no sense in calling him, I figured I would just play nurse (oh wait! I am a nurse!) and stop taking the Septra and switched back to the first antibiotic I was given and finished that instead. The stiff neck and headache disappeared a couple ours after I should have taken the next dose. It seems to have done the trick.

I never had problem taking medication, and had absolutely NO allergies until I got meningitis about 3 years ago and had an allergic reaction to both Vancomycin and Rocephin. I was informed that I was "very lucky it was viral meningitis and not bacterial because if it had been the bacterial you would most definitely be dead". Isn't that always wonderful to hear from your doctor?

Now I am ranting, but seriously I can not afford to be allergic to any more medications. Especially when I am on the other side of the planet depending on the kindness of strangers to keep me safe. And now of course I'm going to spend quite a bit of time attempting not to get car-sick or train-sick (I have to catch an overnight train this weekend to our daughter's orphanage) since I can't use the patches again.

However, its not all doom and gloom! I am hoping to catch up with my brother in law's girlfriend, she lives in the same city I am in right now. Hopefully we can see some sites and do a few fun things today and again tomorrow after our adoption authority meeting! I hope she can teach me more about her beautiful country, and that my eyes become UN-blurry enough that I can really enjoy it.

The only solutions to this recurring problem I think is to stop taking medicine by never getting sick ever again. That should TOTALLY work with 5 kids.....right? Anyone?.......

Leavin' on a jet plane

2012-01-16T14:11:00.001-07:00

Because it's 2012 and I can blog from the airport if I want to.....I'm blogging from the airport cause I want to!

Sweet Pudah asked me rather alarmed this morning "Mommy! Who will write your BLOG while you are GONE?!?!" I didn't realize that in the melee of international adoption, acquiring a new sibling, and me being gone for two weeks this first trip that my blog even registered on the "Things Your 9 Year old Will Worry About" scale, but apparently I was wrong.

I told him I would still write it, and he was quite relieved. Crisis averted.

So, I'm sitting in the terminal in Washington D.C., having survived a rather turbulent and stomach-churning first flight from our home to here. I managed to not toss my cookies, which the nice sleeping gentleman next to me greatly appreciated I am certain.

It's hard to even describe all the things I am feeling. I barely slept last night, I was so excited and nervous and terrified. Was I REALLY about to get on a plane and fly away from my little loves, my handsome husband and everything I hold dear to venture in to this great unknown? By myself? Countered with...Of course I am, I'm a military wife and total bad-a$$, I think I can handle a little bit of international travel! Countered with....How many times is Baby Man going to wake up tonight so I can sit and snuggle him in his chair cause I am gonna miss those snuggles like C.R.A.Z.Y. Countered with....If you know me you know that this Mama Bear will do anything for one of her cubs, and this cub just happens to be a million miles away and in very desperate need of a Mama Bear to bring her home so I guess thats what I will have to go and do.....even if it would be way more fun if my husband could be with me the whole time I can't complain too much because I don't live in an orphanage facing a future in an institution so maybe my problems aren't really that big after all......

And so on. Not very conducive to sleep.

I worried in the airport this morning. Sitting all alone is not something that happens to me basically ever, so I'm not quite sure what to do with my thoughts when this happens. No one needed anything, I didn't have to run around wiping bums or referee-ing who's turn it was to play with the random toy no one had noticed in 6 months but now everyone wanted at once and it left me a little bit......sad.

Most especially I missed my real rockin' husband. It feels like going in to labor with out him, even though I know I will see him in a week I just hate to even embark on this journey without him. It's necessary in order to get the job done, and I know that. I just enjoy his company so very, very much and I wish he could be here every step of the way. As I sat, stewing in my semi-excited-out-of-my-mind semi-I-kinda-wanna-cry thoughts, two young guys came and sat near me carrying their very large camouflage backpacks. I smiled. They weren't on their way anyplace terrible, just to a training school. We chatted about army life, our kids, and how the Navy cheats at the Army vs. Navy game every year (The one navy guy clearly disagreed with us, but he was clearly wrong!)

I started to feel a bit better.

I got on the plane, sat in my seat, and said the silent prayer every lone-traveler says: Please let me sit next to someone cool.

And what do you know, moments later another gentleman with an Army pack motions that his seat is just on the other side of mine.

It turned out he was retired, but doing contract work in Afghanistan and was on his way there. His oldest son had just graduated college and had been commissioned a 2nd Lieutenant. He could not have been prouder. I think he was just as relieved as I was, to sit next to someone who "gets it." And if I couldn't have my husband along with me, I was grateful for the little bit of Army family that kept me company the first leg of this trip.

But now. I'm here. On. My. Way. To. Our. GIRL.

Just puttin' it out there. A little teaser if you will, and because I can't keep the whole secret secret any longer!

Next time I blog it will be from her country :)

Tomorrow

2012-01-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

This time tomorrow....I'll be waiting to catch a plane.

The first of three planes.

That will take me to a far away country.

To meet our child.

That's pretty much awesome.

Riddle Me This

2012-01-11T09:03:00.000-07:00

If you are a parent, what I am about to say will ring so true with you it will probably make you laugh and cry all at once.

If you aren't a parent, someday at approximately 2:34 a.m. after you have become a parent this post will make total sense to you and you will probably laugh and cry at the same time.

Riddle Me This: Why don't kids ever start puking when its DAYLIGHT?!?!?!?

Our evening last night went something like this: four happy children, doing homework, playing, making the couch in to a jungle gym, eating dinner, having fudge-pops, getting ready for bed. Everyone appears to be happy as clams. But as it nears 8 p.m. it is clear Baby Man is not going down without a fight. He is squirming, fussing, generally displeased with anything I do to attempt to calm or soothe him to sleep.

Daddy arrives home around 8 p.m.

8:05 p.m..........Commence Puking.

Baby Man puked and puked and puked. He took a bath, he was happy. He screamed. He puked some more. He slept a little. He puked some more. I rocked him. I sat in the chair with him. He slept a little. He puked some more. I washed his little sad, puky face and changed his sheets and blankets 3 times.

The night dragged on into infinity.

I finally fell asleep around 4 a.m. only to be awoken an hour later by Edo at the bedside saying "Pudah says he's going to puke, I'm going to take him a bowl to put by his bed but I thought you might want to know."

That's the kind of big brother everyone needs. What a kid! I thanked him, and tried to sleep for ten more minutes before Bug woke me up with a "My stomach huuuuuuuuuuuurts."

Now, Bug and Pudah are curled up on the couch as we speak both complaining of severe stomach pain. They aren't puking....yet.

I'm not getting my hopes up. They are probably just waiting for the sun to go down.

More Than Luck

2012-01-09T15:45:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking quite a bit lately about how lucky I am.

I have so much in my little life, and I try very hard to be grateful. My children are beautiful and amazing. Our home is a lovely, warm, safe place. Everyone can learn and grow and be together in a family that genuinely shows great care and affection and respect for each person, no matter how big or small they may be.

Then I thought....there's got to be more to it than luck.

And most certainly, there is. Perhaps there are many factors that come in to play, but there is one essential factor that has been on my mind a lot lately.

Call me old-fashioned, or whatever you will, but I find that I very much believe the core success of our family comes from none other than my one and only, tried and true, loyal and loving Husband.

I was watching him this weekend as we had a small gathering of friends over for our Baby Man's birthday. I watched how he engaged with each of our children. His easy smile and his warm laugh. I watched him play out in the snow on the porch with our littlest ones while all the other grown-ups stayed warm and dry inside, just to hear his babies giggling and screeching with delight. I watched how he remained calm in the presence of a chaotic scene as everyone scrambled together to sing Happy Birthday and eat cake and ice cream, with the inevitable mess that ensued.

He is relaxed. He is peaceful. He is respectful. He is joyful. He is present.

And it really, truly, affects how our family operates on a daily basis.

No one is perfect, that's not what I'm saying. Certainly he is human and he has his moments, we all do.

But in this man I have found the good moments far outweigh the bad. Whether he is kissing his babies goodnight, or killing aliens with his pre-teen, or watching proudly as our 9 year old receives his brown belt in Tae Kwon Do, he is always striving to be the very best Dad he can be in the ways that our children need him the most.

And I don't think any family gets much luckier than that.

2 Good 2 Be True

2012-01-06T08:59:00.000-07:00

My little Baby Man is TWO. YEARS. OLD.

TODAY.

*insert sound of breaking heart here*

Here he is this morning, actin' like it ain't no big thang that he's TWO. YEARS. OLD.

Do you see as much mischief in this smile as I do??

This once oh-so-serious infant, with a look that seemed to always be saying "Really?? YOU people are in charge? Where do I file a complaint?" has evolved in to this crazy-wild toddler who will do anything for a laugh. For instance, two nights ago he had a small stuffed lion who he was pretending was attacking him and eating his face. He would scream "LION! LION! AAAAAHHHHH! ARGHHHH!!!" and then smack himself in the face with the toy and wrestle it back and forth until either he or the lion quit moving. Usually the lion seemed to win, it was more dramatic that way. He spent most of his evening yesterday coloring himself red with a pen his Daddy gave him to play with.

The conversation went like this:

Baby Man: "Color? Hands?"

Daddy: Sure buddy! Color your hands!

Baby Man: "Color? Arms? Arms?"

Daddy Sure thing! Let me roll up your sleeves!

Baby Man: "Color? Legs? Color? Legs?"

Daddy: Whatever you want, go right ahead!

The problem is......with a face like this.....

And a smile like this.......

Most conversations in our household sound eerily similar to the one stated above.

He's just, quite simply, too cute for words. And he is everyone's baby.

At two, he is still not tipping any scales. I'd bet he's about 19 lbs. But his physical therapy sessions have been miracle workers, and the 21 month old who still wouldn't walk is now a 24 month old who walks, runs (not very fast), climbs, tumbles, and generally causes mayhem wherever he goes.

Beautiful mayhem. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

He likes to take apart the couch to jump. He wants to climb up mommy's legs and hold my hands while I flip him upside down. He wants to get on top of, or under, or inside of anything and everything. It has been so great watching his self-confidence grow as he gets to really explore the world around him.

Plus, he can almost keep up with those dang older siblings who are constantly leaving him in the dust.

For example, we went to the Aquarium yesterday and he walked the entire time, refusing to let me carry him and protesting rather loudly if I even tried. It was a big moment.

Today, as he officially enters the terrible twos, he attempts to count two fingers. All our hearts melted into puddles.

He really is too good to be true.

Happy Birthday, my Baby Man. I love you more than words can say. You have brought so much laughter and love in to our lives, we are so grateful to have you in our family. We love playing "CATCH! THROW!" 24/7, even if you mostly aim at our heads. We love putting your train set back together twenty times a day because you want to be godzilla. We love how your only answer to any question is "NO!" and how you want to hug the dog more than you want to hug your parents. Your silly-sweet-wild self makes my Mama heart want to burst. There will never be anyone quite like you, sweet boy. I can't wait to see what being TWO will bring for you!

Life Right Now

2012-01-03T15:13:00.000-07:00

Here's a little insight in to our lives right now, the only way I know how to explain it.

When I go to work at one of the hospitals I work at (I'm an agency nurse, its complicated) I enter through the "Employee Entrance". This leads to a long, scary hallway in the basement of the hospital:

It's dark when I arrive, and it is dark when I leave. This hallway is long, the ceiling is low. And there are many, many small, old wooden doors on each side. Part of the "old" section of the hospital, where Nuns used to hustle and bustle about doing laundry and whatnot for the patients above. But now, even with the many employees coming and going, somehow I am always in this hallway by myself. I have to go it alone.

I walk quickly, past each little door. I imagine all sorts of crazy things. What is behind those doors? Most of them are unlabeled. The not knowing is the part that concerns me most. Anything could be back there. Good, bad....joy, tragedy.....light, darkness. There is no way to know without opening them.

And there is no way I'm going to open them. But what if they open anyways?

We are rushing through this part of our lives right now. Down the hall. There are so many unknowns. There are so many doors. And we just want to get to the end of the hallway, safe and sound. But at any time, any one of those many doors could open, and we just. don't. know. what is going to be on the other side.

So we put our heads down. We walk fast. We pray for safety, security, the outcomes we desire. We walk faster.

Some days the end of the hallway seems so near. Some days the end of the hallway is very, very far.

Some days the hallway goes in circles.

I love the feeling of hitting those doors at the end, stepping out in the quiet, cool night. The sense of peace. Of arriving. Of knowing you made it, at least for that day...all the doors behind you still blessedly closed. No surprises.

But this is life we are talking about. The doors are bound to open sometime. Pray that we find what we hope is behind them.

It's That Time Again

2011-12-31T21:34:00.000-07:00

Wow, another new year.

It must be true that time goes by faster the older you get.

It seems it was only moments ago I was celebrating New Year's Eve 2010 by going to sleep early, excited that 2011 would mean my husband coming home.

And now it's.....over?

It's just hard to believe it's that time again.

We ring in the New Year knowing it brings with it the promise of meeting someone very, very special. We welcome it in, full of anticipation and dreams.

We look back and see years full of twists, turns, triumphs and unexpected tears and joys.

We look forward wondering what twists, turns, triumphs and unexpected tears and joys this twelve months will bring.

Things often don't go as planned. This much I have learned in my 30 years on earth. But just because they don't go as I plan them, doesn't mean something even more awesome can't happen instead.

Happy New Year's.

2012 is definitely going to rock our socks off.

An Adoption Update (Or: I promise, you WANT to read this one!)

2011-12-28T11:25:00.003-07:00

We got through Christmas, and enjoyed our family time immensely. Just the 6 of us. (But still wishing there were 7)

The kids tore through their presents. I would say they are spoiled, but its not their fault they have a million grandparents and aunts and uncles.

We had a nice big Christmas breakfast with waffles and eggs and bacon. We had happy tummies.

And I took the three big kids to church while Baby Man napped and Daddy shot zombies.

It was good, but it was still hard.

I thought much about Tanner. We grieved. We argued. We talked about what to do. We talked as grown ups, and we talked with the children together and individually. Our whole family needed to decide what, if anything, should be done.

And when it was all said and done.....we decided to move forward with another adoption.

Hearts still broken, and certainly more guarded now, but nonetheless ready for our family to grow.

I wasn't going to talk about it on the blog at all, I am what you might call a bit nervous and paranoid after what has happened. Still, I don't want to leave all of you who have been so supportive in so many ways left just wondering "What now?". I am not going to talk about our child, the diagnosis, or anything else until we have them in our arms.

But that child is coming. And I might add....very, very soon. :)

Merry Christmas, Everyone. And a Happy New Year!

"Impossible situations can become possible miracles." ~Robert H. Schuller

When the Going Gets Tough....

2011-12-23T08:55:00.003-07:00

The tough get going.

Check this out.

My kid has a broken arm. I'm pretty sure we've been over that.

Last Saturday there was a belt test at TaeKwonDo. He was still in a LOT of pain, and I called to tell them Edo would not be taking the test. Bug and Pudah took their tests though, and became an orange belt and a brown belt respectively:

Before:

During:

After!

(Yes, they are this cute in real life too!)

Edo was bummed to say the least. I mean, how could he tolerate his LITTLE BROTHER being a brown belt when his belt was still blue??!? Surely this injustice could not go on for 6 weeks until his arm was fully healed.

And so, this Tuesday, less than one week after breaking his arm.....Edo chose to take the make-up belt test.

Look at his widdle broken arm! My Mommy heart can't. take. it.

He kicked and punched and did his Poomsae's. He even did one-armed sparring, which was kinda funny to watch.

Jumping....while holding his arm. Yeah, it still hurt.

But look at that brave face!

He even did a jumping snap kick board break. OH yeah!

And he received his brown belt. From the dojang Master.

But he got something he did not expect. Here, the Master is speaking. And he is speaking about Edo. About his true "taekwondo spirit." About how hard it was to come in there with a broken arm, and in pain, knowing he would not be able to execute every move or form properly. He spoke about how proud he was of my boy for not giving up, even though he could see on his face at times during the test that he was hurting. He kept going, he did his very best, he earned his belt and was an example to everyone present.

And Edo practically glowed all the way home, grinning from ear to ear.

It's a belt test he most certainly will never forget.

Trudging

2011-12-20T07:11:00.001-07:00

You know its been a bad week when......your kid breaking his arm turns out to be the EASIEST thing you have to deal with.

I feel like I'm walking in a literal fog.

My head throbs from crying through the night.

I've cried more in the last 48 hours then I think I have cried in the last two years of my life combined.

And I've been through a lot the last two years.

My heart hurts.

It HURTS. Actual. Physical. Pain.

It just seems like too much has been lost.

And I'm just trudging through the hours thinking "Now what?"

There is more to Tanner's story, which I do not feel comfortable sharing publicly. But if you read my last post, while I do say he was "adopted" in his country....he is now in a legal guardianship that is not a family. There are many other families who lost children this week who they had hoped to bring home. It is complicated, his country is complicated. However, Tanner IS safe, he IS well taken care of, and he IS so much better off than many orphans...but it is not the same as being home. I wish I could say more, but I don't think it would be in the best interests of the children and families still waiting.

Please pray for him, and for all the children affected, that they will someday find their way to the blessing of a true family.

The Update on Tanner I don't want to write

2011-12-18T07:08:00.003-07:00

Everyone,

It is with a very heavy heart that I have to come and tell you this morning we were told our sweet Tanner has been adopted within his own country and will not be joining our family.

We have loved, prayed for, and planned for this sweet boy for 7 months. 7 months EXACTLY TO THE DAY today we decided to commit to him and started the process to bring him home.

We hit so many roadblocks and delays. The list, issues with our home study agency being slow, our freaking house getting robbed. On and on. I believe now it was for this reason, he was meant to stay in his country.

We are sad for us, obviously. We had hopes and dreams, much like being pregnant, that we know will not be fulfilled. But Tanner is safe. He will be well taken care of. He is a very special boy, and we will always love him....but he was never truly ours.

We do not know what the next step is for our family. We have come so far, and gone through so much. There are so many children in need of a good home and a loving family. But we just can't say right now.

Please, if you have any words of encouragement or guidance, this Mama's heart needs them now more than ever.

Changes

2011-12-16T06:00:00.000-07:00

If you are a frequent visitor, you may be noticing a thing or two missing from the sides of my blog.

Don't be alarmed! We are still very much pursuing our adoption process. But there have been a few concerns that have arisen lately, one of which is a person (or persons) who is stalking adoption blogs and leaving hurtful, inappropriate, and even sometimes threatening comments. The other concerns I am not going to address at this time, but they are serious enough to warrant extra precautions in order to help ensure that our adoption is able to be finalized.

For the sake of privacy and safety (both of which are reasons I don't list our names or location on this blog in the first place!) I have removed references to our adoption process from my blog page for the time being.

I hope everyone understands. I will be keeping friends and family informed via facebook as we continue to move forward. If you are someone I know but perhaps don't have contact with via Facebook, or if you are one of the beautifully kind and generous people who made donations when our passports were stolen, please send me an email so I can keep you updated on our progress as well in a less public forum.

You can email me at mycamokids@gmail.com

Everyone's kindess and support this far in to our journey has meant so much to me. Once this storm has passed (or perhaps not until we are home with our little guy!) I hope to feel comfortable blogging more freely about adoption and our experiences with the process once again. I will still be blogging about our normal life, being and army family, and all that good stuff so please feel free to keep dropping in to read up on those adventures while we get through this rough patch!

Stats!

2011-12-15T09:15:00.001-07:00

Check this out!!

My Camo Kids

99999 pageviews - 265 posts, last published on Dec 14, 2011 - 133 followers

Those are my blog stats as of this morning. 99999 page views is a pretty cool number, I

just happened to log in at the right moment to catch it. :)

Thanks everyone for reading!

When You Forget to Knock on Wood (Or: ER The Edo Edition)

2011-12-14T18:58:00.001-07:00

This morning I had to take Baby Man to a doctor's appointment.

He's small, so was Bug. She has been through lots of testing and they have not come up with any "reason"...she's just little. Now Baby Man is going through the same thing basically.

That's the short and sweet of it, anyways.

So this morning he had to go see a doctor and get some blood drawn. Still, trying to be positive I didn't want to whine about how it was going to be a rough morning or how I knew my toddler would howl and screech as soon as he saw a person put gloves on. I decided to take an optimistic approach and posted this as my Facebook status:

"Off to the Doctor with Baby Man! Grateful for awesome health insurance courtesy of the U.S. Army!"

At this point, apparently, I should have found something made of wood. And knocked real hard.

On the way back from the doctor (headed home to take a much deserved nap I might add!) my phone rang. And it was Edo's school Nurse.

"Your son fell down and hurt his arm. I think you might want to come and get him."

She put him on the phone, his voice was shaky and tearful. He had been outside after lunch, standing on a wall....(I am supposed to let you all know that it was "a low wall, Mom. Like barely 2 feet tall!") with some friends, when he either "slipped or fell, or someone bumped me or something". He fell to the ground, hitting his arm on a bench that was located directly next to the wall that for some reason a bunch of 12 year old boys thought would be good for standing on.

Oy.

I was right by the school at that point, so I took Baby Man in and we picked Edo up. Good thing too, he was pale, and nauseated. He was holding his arm like a tiny broken bird wing, with an ice pack.

I arranged for my (AMAZING!) friends and neighbors to watch/and/or pick up the other three from school and Edo and I were off to the ER.

He started to perk up a bit in the car, and by the time we arrived didn't seem to be in much pain. I thought we might just have a bad bruise on our hands and be sent home with some motrin, but we had come this far so I decided we would see it through and get x-rays to be sure even though the triage nurse didn't seem too concerned either. But he did give us a little sling while we waited.

See? He was even smiling! I was pretty sure we were in the clear. It wasn't swollen, his arm was barely tender, and it only hurt if he moved it certain ways. He just didn't seem to be in that. much. pain.

His X-Rays however......told a different story.....

And we ended up with this nifty little hand-out and a one way ticket straight upstairs to the Orthopedists office:

Totally. Broken.

The ER doctor described it as less of a straight up fracture and more of a "crumpled like a soda can" fracture, just below the growth plate at the top of his arm.

My boy must have a very high pain threshold.

Switch to Sad Faces. :(

And here is my big Guy, learning how to wear his shoulder stabilizer for the next. SIX. WEEKS.

(You can't really see it but his t-shirt says "Born Lucky". Several people commented that perhaps that statement was inaccurate, but he informed them he was VERY lucky to have broken his left arm and not his right, since he is right handed. That's my guy!)

All in all, he did remarkably well. He refused pain medicine in the ER, but I think he was kind of regretting it later. Having to position it for additional x-rays in the ortho office and then getting all jostled around with the new shoulder stabilizer definitely hurt. But he didn't complain, just grimaced a bit while holding back tears. He handled it like one very tough kid, and certainly much better than I would have if it was my shoulder.

So Yes, I am incredibly grateful for awesome health insurance.

But the next time I make such a statement, you can bet you'll hear some knocking right after.

How To Belay

2011-12-12T13:06:00.002-07:00

I took Bug on a little adventure this weekend, courtesy of a Parent in her class who planned a very cool birthday party for their kid.

Cause let's face it, anyone can take their kid to Chuck E. Cheese. It takes a a whole other kind of courage to plan a 5 year old's birthday party at......An Indoor Rock Climbing Gym.

A 5 year old GIRL PARTY, I should mention. Bug's preschool is full of the very coolest families. For real.

Here she is all suited up in her whatever its called harness thing, with her self-proclaimed "boyfriend".

We had to have a conversation about a week ago regarding the finer points of polygamy, and how its not actually legal and all, since Bug was convinced that both she AND another friend in her class were going to grow up and marry this particular boy.

He's a stud. Plus, he will play "Harry Potter" for like 3 hours straight so naturally Bug loves him with an undying preschooler-love.

Here's me and my girl! I was extensively trained (in under 5 minutes) on how to "Belay" which is rock-climbing-speak for "Don't disappoint the nice people who invited you to this party by allowing any small children to fall off the rock wall. Now here, learn how to tie this knot so no one will die."

No pressure, right?

As you can see from the following pictures, I held up my end of the bargain. The kids were much less interested in climbing however then they were in getting a few feet of the ground and then swinging. I only took pictures of my kid doing this activity since it required holding the rope momentarily with one hand...which is kind of a "belaying no-no" as you might imagine. Still, she weighs like 29 lbs so I was totally NOT going to drop her. Promise.

(Disclaimer: If you are ever belaying a person over 29 lbs, please keep both hands on the rope. They will thank you...because they will stay alive. The end.)

In the photo below you will see Bug's "boyfriend", being quite the daredevil. He was actually all the way up to the top of the wall, but by the time I lowered the kid I was helping and got out my phone to take a picture he was coming back down. An impressive feat considering most of the rest of the children barely got 3 feet off the ground.

This is the guy who trained me how to tie ropes and not kill people.

It doesn't come across very well in this photo, but he also bore such a striking resemblance to Daniel Radcliffe (a.k.a. Harry Potter if you live under a rock and ya don't know) that Bug was completely star-struck and became a giggling speechless mess around him. It was awesome.

(Bug and the Birthday Girl share a hug)

Overall, it was an excellent party. Kids were tired and happy, and had tried something new and adventurous that they will most certainly be talking about for weeks to come.

Or at least a couple of days. They are only 5 after all, and they have another classmate's birthday party this weekend.

Cleaning Frenzy! (Or: Like Father, Like Son.)

2011-12-09T11:24:00.001-07:00

My husband and I get along well for the most part. There isn't much we disagree on, and we are fairly good at compromising. However, if I may be so bold as to say, there has always been one major point of contention in our marriage.

House-hold Cleanliness.

Or, more appropriately, what level of cleanliness actually constitutes "clean". We have different opinions on the matter, and it has from time to time caused a bit of inter-relational strife.

The problem was my version of "clean" was his version of "barely tidy" and his version of "clean" was my version of "ACK! THE WHITE GLOVE IS COMING TO CHECK FOR DUST! RUN AWAY!!!!"

Over the years however, I have come to appreciate his need for clean as I realized it wasn't about being picky or OCD or even trying to tell me how to do my job as a (mostly) stay-at-home-Mom. It is really about the fact that he is so very, very (mystifyingly to me) happy when things are *clean*. He can think more clearly, he enjoys his time at home more because he can relax instead of stressing out over what might be lurking under the toaster, and he just genuinely feels good when his surroundings are organized and clean. It just took me a long time to realize how important it was to him.

And of course, I want him to be happy! Thats just a given.

So, I have tried in the last few years to adapt and learn his version of clean. Things that don't bother me (a.k.a. that little rubber seal around the fridge door being dirty...I don't think I even noticed it existed till he pointed it out to me!) I try to remember to notice from his perspective. Tasks that for my own definition of clean could be done once every two weeks (scrubbing toilets, showers and the like) I am trying to do once or twice a week. I'm even up to vacuuming twice a week! This would probably be deemed necessary by most people anyways, with 4 kids and 2 furry pets but truth be told I was usually vacuuming only once a week, and sometimes a "week" was more like 10-12 days.

A challenge I have faced is the fact that when he deploys I very quickly revert to *my* way. We get through a year doing things *my* way, and everyone survives and it's just fine. But when he comes home I have to remember his way all over again and get back into a routine that keeps the peace between us. It can be hard, and it can take some time. Luckily, I married a really patient guy cause I'm a bit slow sometimes to come back around.

An unexpected benefit of following a routine that suits my husband's version of clean is the fact that my little ones also now love to clean.

This morning there was screaming and actual tears over who got to scrub the toilet the longest.

I'm serious.

Bug: "MAMA! He's had the toilet scrubber for like FIVE MINUTES and I barely got a turn AT ALL!"

Baby Man: "WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" (any time Bug tried to take the toilet-wand-scrubber)

(Seriously, is it NATURAL to be that happy when you are scrubbing a toilet?!?!?)

A big part of this whole issue for me has been about learning that just because something is not important to me does not mean that it is not important at all. When I know something is important to him, and it is not important to me, I can demonstrate my love and respect for him by doing that thing his way. And in turn, he does the same for me when I feel very strongly about something. I'm grateful for a relationship that allows me to learn and grow, to make mistakes and then make it right, to compromise and to see things from another person's perspective.

I think that's what marriage is supposed to be about, after all.

I bet you didn't know you could learn so much from cleaning a bathroom, did ya?

Update on Stephanie!

2011-12-04T18:44:00.001-07:00

Wow, this week has been so full of ups and downs. Facebook unfortunately turned in to a giant game of "telephone" at one point concerning Stephanie's condition and her husband stepped in and told everyone to please keep praying for her but to KNOCK IT OFF when it came to posting her stats and condition when at one point people were posting that she needed an emergency kidney transplant.....and it was totally NOT true.

The good news (Great News! AWESOME NEWS! SUPER AMAZING NEWS!!!) is that THIS was her husband's status update TODAY:

"I'm sure most of you have heard Stephanie is completly off of the medicine that paralyzes and sedates her. She is still not responsive yet. It may take a couple days before she wakes up and starts telling me her pillows need fluffing and the ice cup needs refilling. I can't wait! I'm sure we still will have some things to figure out as far as the cancer goes. But atleast we are living hour by hour anymore. And I praise the lord for all of it."

Can I get an A-M-E-N??????

This is quite literally a miracle. The doctors were telling them, the day of my original post, that it would be a miracle if she survived the next TWELVE HOURS.....and yet here she is, 6 days later, preparing to wake up form her medically induced coma.

A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

She has a great friend who is compiling all the messages from Facebook in to a kind of book so Stephanie can see all the messages of love and prayers during the past week when she finally wakes up. I think that will be a very, very cool moment for her.

My brother (who lives in Atlanta) a few days ago was able to take some fruit, drinks, and snacks to her family who has not left the hospital since this all started. They were incredibly grateful, and I was too for his selfless service to my dear friend whom he has never even met. It meant the world to me, when I am so far away and unable to DO anything.

Stephanie still has a very long road ahead of her, fighting this leukemia, but she is here and she is fighting. Her family and friends know what a miracle this is, and ask that everyone continue to pray for her health and healing so she can go home and be with her sweet girls again.

Guess who I get to see Today?

2011-12-02T09:57:00.001-07:00

My Husband!

It's only been four days, but I am about as giddy as a school-girl with a crush on the quarterback who just got asked to go with him to prom.

Or something like that. You get the idea :)

I think it is just that we have spent so much of our marriage apart, every reunion is sweet whether is been one week, 9 weeks, 7 months or 12. I definitely don't want to complain about the shorter separations because I have the perspective of spending a year apart from my love, but I am still beyond thrilled when I know I am going to see him again even if it's just been a few days.

I may not be explaining it well, but I know my military wife friends totally get what I'm trying to say.

He's been out in the field training all week, doing a live-fire exercise. That means real bullets, people. You know, cause they gotta be all trained and practice using their guns and stuff. (On a side note I am completely terrified of guns. I'm not sure how I ended up married to a guy who uses them for a living...)

But it meant he missed Bug's birthday, and he's been sleeping out in the cold and snow and eating MRE's in a big tent with a whole bunch of other soldiers. And while it is totally necessary for his profession I think it still falls under the classification of "Not Real Fun."

Today he gets to come home though, and eat real food, and sleep in a real bed. Come to think of it I bet he's even more excited than I am, but for totally different reasons!

Happy Friday, Everyone!

Happy 5th Birthday, Ladybug!

2011-11-30T20:43:00.001-07:00

This sweet girl is FIVE YEARS OLD!

How much do you love that face???? Not as much as I do, but that's ok because I am her Mama and I love her the Most-est-ever.

She woke up happy for find presents on the couch. My husband gave her one present on Monday because we knew he would be out training and miss her actual birthday. Sad. Faces. (That's 3 out of 5 he's been unable to be with us for....not that anyone is counting.....ahem. No, definitely not.)

But! She soldiered on like a true military child and made the best of her big day anyways!

Cold, tired brothers, trying their best to be enthusiastic about watching her slowly open an envelope by tearing it one tiny shred at a time.

Finally! A Present!

A remote control car for her "Littlest Pet Shop" pets. If you don't have a 5 year old girl, you'll have to google them, they are adorable toys.

And "Angry Birds!" Oh yes! It's a board game too!

And a big box of goodies from my in-laws.....

A bird and snake toy she asked for from the gift shop at a nature preserve near their house. She remembered from visiting them last summer!

And a Ladybug habitat! Grow your own ladybugs from larvae! Totally something my girl will dig doing!

I got to Parent Help in her preschool class today as well. Not to be out-done by my own Pinterest-Inspired-Awesomeness at the Halloween snack, I turned to Pinterest yet again for some healthy but fun ideas.

Fruit Kabobs in a box, wrapped like a present. The kids thought this was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G and kept asking me what else was in the box. Uhm....nothing. But they were fascinated anyways.

Veggie cups, with ranch dressing in the bottom, carrots, celery, green and red pepper slices. The pretty cups and tray courtesy of the Dollar Tree. *love*

I think she is happy, what do you think?

The whole table. We also had pumpkin muffins, just because they are one of her favorite things and were *close* to being like birthday cake without violating the very, very serious "healthy snack policy" at the school.

The teachers loved the set up, a teacher from another class even came in and took a picture saying she was going to "show it to all her kid's parents and tell them THIS is what a birthday snack should look like so they can all have heart-attacks!"

I just wanted my Bug to feel like her day was extra-special, like she is.

Happy Birthday, Sweet Girl. You are my one and only, and I love you so much. I am so proud of all the things you can do, of how much you love school and love to learn. I am so grateful for all the love, laughter (and even the drama!) you bring in to our lives. I have loved every minute of being your Mom.

5 is going to be a BLAST!

Pray for Stephanie

2011-11-29T12:14:00.001-07:00

This is my friend, Stephanie.

(This photo was taken in February of 2008. 2008 is otherwise known as "The Hardest Year of My Life" or, the year my husband was in Afghanistan. Stephanie was part of a Mom's group at Ft. Benning where we lived, and we would meet up for coffee, breakfast, company and conversation about once a week at a Panera Bread. Those women, including Stephanie, are what helped me the most to make it through the difficult days of that deployment.)

She is sweet and kind.

She is friendly and warm.

She is a loving, doting mother of two young girls: 4 years old Sara(the baby in the picture is Sara and she is now a big girl!) and 19 month old June.

She is encouraging and supportive.

She is smart and funny.

She is a wonderful person, who I am blessed to know.

And right now, this very minute, she is fighting for her life in a hospital in Atlanta.

She was diagnosed with Acute Promyelocytic Leukemia last week right before Thanksgiving. She was admitted to the hospital to begin treatments, but her health status has rapidly declined in the last 48 hours. This morning my Facebook was lit up with messages urging everyone to pray fervently for her, for her family, for her sweet daughters.

For her life.

This, I believe is truly what social networking is FOR. To bring people together in a time of crisis. But it is also the kind of thing that will just stop you in your tracks, feeling hopeless and speechless. I tried to keep it together while getting children ready for school, not wanting to alarm any of them but my heart was truly breaking.

My oldest stayed home from school today, he woke up with a giant swollen eye lid and there were no appointments until the afternoon. We drove Bug to school, but had to sit in the parking lot for a bit as I was simply overcome with tears for my dear friend. My heart was just hurting so badly, most especially for her darling baby girls who need their Mama with them. I told them we could go in to the school in a minute.

My oldest boy, my dear son looked at me and said "Mom, I think we should pray. Right now. I think that is what you need to do."

I think he stayed home because Someone knew I would need him with me today.

We sat in our car and offered up a short, tear-filled prayer.

Afterwards Edo said "Don't worry Mom. It will be ok." But it wasn't said with the pure optimism of a child. He understands full well that my friend may die. It was said with the pure hope that no matter what happens, she will be ok. Whether or not she will be here on earth with her family, friends and loved ones when she is healed remains to be seen. But he knows, in his heart, a greater truth. One that brings comfort and peace even in the midst of hardships such as this.

This is my beautiful friend, Stephanie. That is her youngest daughter, June.

Here is the last blog post she wrote on November 17th shortly before being diagnosed: God's My Strength

Please, in whatever way you can, say a prayer for this wonderful lady and for her entire family. She is 26 years old. She has two beautiful girls, and a loving husband Michael who is in the Air Force. She is a strong woman, but at this time it will take a literal miracle for her to pull through.

Please pray. I know she would do it for any one of us, friend or stranger. Because that is the kind of person Stephanie is, and one of many reasons I am proud to know her.

Thanks Giving

2011-11-24T14:10:00.001-07:00

Today I am giving thanks for....

This.

Baby boys....

Who are turning in to young men.

Today I am Grateful for.....

This.

A Baby Diva Princess Girl.....

Who marches to the beat of her own drummer.

(And has always had Daddy wrapped around her finger.)

Today I am so blessed by......

This.

A little, little boy....

Who is the apple of everyone's eye.

Today I am giving thanks, so very grateful for and so incredibly blessed by......

This.

A Man who loves his family, who loves his country, who amazes, impresses and humbles me every day....

by continually serving all of us.

And I give thanks for our two happy, beautiful homecomings. For our opportunity to be together this holiday season and to celebrate together is something military families know all to well not to take for granted.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Happy Birthday to My Main Man

2011-11-23T16:11:00.001-07:00

If I had one gift that I could give you, my friend, it would be the ability to see yourself as others see you, because only then would you know how extremely special you are.
~ B.A. Billingsly

Yesterday was my Husband's BIRTHDAY!

I didn't get to post about how awesome he is because I spent most of the day with him at a Marriage Retreat put together by his unit and squadron chaplain. It was all the leadership from his squadron, all the other company commanders, first sergeants and their spouses. Well, the spouses who could make it anyways and I think it was probably about half. I personally enjoyed getting to just hang out with my husband and hold his hand all day. :)

But besides that, they had us take a little "test" before coming to the class and it was definitely the most fun and enlightening portion of the day. It's called your "Flag Page", and instead of being one of those things where you look at just your personality or at things that might be "wrong" with you or with your relationship, it talks about what motivates you and what you do right. I thought it was going to be silly, but once I took it I was like ....whoa! That is totally me! Even more so though when my husband took the test and I was able to read his results I was just absolutely beside myself. That's why he does those things, THAT'S why he thinks that way, THAT is why he is so incredibly awesome and at the same time so completely and totally not like me at all.

It was pretty cool.

Ours was free of charge for the retreat, but it looks like it is about $15 per person if you just buy it online. I actually want my two oldest boys to take it, I think it would be useful in evaluating how we relate to them, to understand where they are coming from, and how best to motivate them as we parent them in to teenager-hood.

Here is the link if anyone is interested : The Flag Page Test.

Besides that, I had spent a couple of days trying to convince my husband that he needed to go out to dinner with me on his birthday. He is incredibly busy and gets home late a lot, so he kept telling me it was going to be really hard to leave work early after having been at this retreat all day. But I kept asking. Because, see, I had planned this whole surprise dinner with all his friends about a week prior and he was totally going to spoil it by not showing up! He asked if we could go Wednesday instead, but of course most of his friends would be going out of town for Thanksgiving so that wasn't going to work but I couldn't TELL him that what with it being a surprise and all. Eventually he gave in to my relentless begging and sad eyes, and agreed to be home by 6:30 for our 7 pm dinner reservation.

At 6 pm I begin getting text messages. From the other spouses. "My husband is still at work, we may not make it" and "My husband hasn't answered his phone all day so I don't know what time he will be home we may be late" etc. I began to freak out a bit, seeing our evening and the whole surprise falling apart before my very eyes. The Army is notorious for making it difficult to plan things, and this was no exception. Luckily my husband was also running a few minutes late, and eventually every one else got ahold of their significant others and it looked like it would probably pan out even if we might be the first ones there instead of being greeted by a group "Surprise!"

When we arrived at the restaurant the gentleman at the door asked us "Table for two?" My husband said yes, but I said "No, we have a reservation". He looked up our last name and said "Ohhhh, follow me!" and my husband is looking at me like "That was weird." We walk way back to the back of the restaurant, and sitting there at a long table is just one couple. My husband's old XO and his wife. My husband was like "What are they doing here? That's so weird they would be eating at the same place!" and then his friend stood up and said "Surprise!" Watching it register on his face that his friend was there for his birthday and that this big long table most likely meant that others would be joining us was probably the highlight of the whole year. It was great! I told him yes, other people were coming and sure enough a few minutes later another couple showed up and then another, each one offering a funny "Surprise!" as they approached the table. I don't know if I've ever seen him smile so much!

(We are in the middle. The guy in blue, his wife had to leave suddenly because she is ALSO in the army and some alarm was going off on post inside some vault that she had to go shut off. And the guy in the grey sweatshirt and the lady in the black and white stripes go together, they just ended up on opposite sides of the picture. It's a grainy cellphone picture, but I think you can still tell we were having a great time!)

I was so grateful they all managed to make it except for one couple, it meant so much to him and to me. We had a great evening, surrounded by even greater friends. These guys are so remarkable to me. They are so different, but they are all serving our country and serving it well. These wives are so amazing to me, they are a group of women who really. REALLY. understand what this whole "army wife" gig means and I feel so completely at ease when I am around them because of it. I just love these people. Like, for real.

We could not have asked for a better night or better company! He has been gone either for training or deployed 3 out of the 4 last birthdays, which made this evening extra special. It will definitely be a birthday to remember!

The best part of life is when your family becomes your friends, and your friends become your family.
~ Danica Whitfield

Happy Birthday, Baby! I am so blessed to be able to celebrate this life with you!!

A Heart of Gold

2011-11-21T15:58:00.001-07:00

It turns out that my sweet Pudah, our 9 year old, actually has a heart of gold.

He has always been sweet, cuddly, and "in tune" with other people's emotions. For instance, he really really REALLY hates that his big brother is grounded right now (whole other story) and he pleads on Edo's behalf every single day for the punishment to be lifted because he honestly cannot bear to see his brother unhappy.

It's not going to work, but it is still sweet of him to ask.

My kind-hearted little Pudah has been very sad for me after the loss of my letters from Iraq and Afghanistan. He hates that I lost something precious to me, and that there is no way to make it right.

So what does he do?

He starts writing me letters. You know, to help me not be so sad about the lost ones.

*insert breaking heart here*

"MOM,

Mom i am sending another letter to you...as you can see! i like the way you wake me up every morning. i thank you for letting me stay up on halloween. i got a ton of candy. i am holding back on how much i eat very hard!

love, pudah"

He even wrote in cursive. Even the lower case "i"s, which I adore.

"Dear mom,

thank you mom for taking me to school ever day, i relly like it! thank you for my clothes and my food. i like all the things you do for me. i love you sooooooo much!

love, pudah"

Does life get any more beautiful than that? My boy is such a treasure, I am so grateful every day to get to be his mom.

And someday, when he's like 16 and another kid might be embarrassed seeing this, I know my boy with his heart of gold will still give me a big hug and say he loves me.

Princess Pixie

2011-11-18T20:06:00.001-07:00

Yesterday my Bug went from "Mermaid Princess Hair"

To..........

"PIXIE Princess Hair!"

I don't know about you but I'm going to go with "Oh my heck this is the cutest thing I've ever seen!!!!!"

Flashback: Here's me with a pixie cut back in 2005. I don't think I can pull this off anymore, but it was kinda cute then. (And oh-my-HECK my boys are like babies!)

(P.S. I am standing in some rich person's closet at my mom's wedding, thats why we are all dressed up. I have no idea why we were in the closet though. Anyways, just thought people should know those are not my millions of clothes.)

*sigh*

I miss my red hair.

Edo mentioned today how Bug's hair reminded him so much of me when my hair was short. I'm surprised he even remembers.

*sigh*

Anyways....

And with more curls after bath time:

She's my crazy-monkey! Two of her best buddies at preschool (who are girls) have little pixie cuts and Bug was tired of all the tangles needing brushing in the morning and cutting in to her sleep-in-time. I'd say that problem is solved! Not many girls can pull this look off well, but she has such a sweet tiny face I think it suits her.

The End.

SUBMITTED!

2011-11-17T16:24:00.001-07:00

Our paperwork was OFFICIALLY SUBMITTED in Tanner's country THIS MORNING!

*Happy Dance*

Well, we were submitted with the stipulation that we send a few more items over to them ASAP (within the next ten days) which is why I didn't write this blog post sooner. I spent the day running around trying to get new medical forms signed and emailing/talking with our social worker to get other requested forms. But those things are small potatoes really in the grand scheme of things!

This is a huge step in the process, and under normal circumstances would mean we were only a few weeks away from meeting our son. But due to the changeover happening there, it will most certainly be longer than that. While it has caused us some delay and frustration in our personal process, my great hope is that all of this will benefit the orphaned children of his country GREATLY by helping to get many of them out of orphanages and institutions and in to families in the long run. This would obviously be WONDERFUL!

The new ministry that will be overseeing adoptions from now on is re-open, but waiting on some final word from the central government before they begin issuing travel dates. There are many families ahead of us in the stack of paperwork, but we are in there somewhere! No word on the "List" except that it should be soon with the new ministry beginning operations they will kinda need it. So, that post should not be too far behind this one! Keep praying for Tanner, that his need will be added so we can get him home to us in the next couple months!

Veteran's Day~Better Late than Never

2011-11-16T13:21:00.001-07:00

It's been a rough few days at our house.

We've been dealing with the monster of all Stomach Flu's, and its been gross and nasty and exhausting. And I've been a Mom for 12 years, so when I say it's bad...its B.A.D.

However, we are now mostly on the mend, and I just realized I completely didn't post on Veteran's Day. This is pretty much unacceptable for a military blogger, so please forgive me.

In honor of Veteran's Day, I want to share a video I posted back in October of 2010. I didn't have as many readers or followers then, so I am certain most of you have not seen it. It is simply a slideshow, some photos some video, of the last 5-ish years of our Army Life. The song is "Lullaby" by Lit and while it is absolutely perfect for this project, I can just about guarantee you are going to cry. So grab some tissues.

At the end of the song, you will see my husband saying goodbye to our children in the middle of the night as he prepares to leave for Iraq. It was about 2 a.m., and we had all camped out in the living room that night, watching movies, eating junk food and cuddling until the little ones passed out. It worked well, because they were all too tired to really wake up and be sad about him leaving but because they were so sleepy I was afraid they would think he had left without saying goodbye. I took this short video so they could watch it later and know their Daddy hugged and kissed each one of them before leaving. It is still heart-wrenching to watch, even though the deployment is over.

Saying "Happy" Veteran's Day feels weird to me, since being a veteran means so much to our family and isn't really like saying "Happy Birthday". It carries so much weight, "happy" just doesn't fit.

I would much rather wish all our veteran friends, my husband, those who have served our country in wars long past and present a Respectful Veteran's Day. It just sounds right to me.

Nope

2011-11-11T09:31:00.001-07:00

Our dossier was NOT submitted yesterday.

BLAH!

This meant we spent our day quite differently than we had planned. We had 7 documents that now had to be re-notarized and apostilled ASAP with the new governing agency's name. We tried going to the JAG office on post to get them notarized for free, but they were closed for the holiday weekend. I remembered that the Wells Fargo Bank that is in the same building as the Secretary of State's office in our capital notarized things for free too though, so off we went!

Fortunately, my husband was off work and MOST fortunately my Mother-In-Law is in town visiting. She was able to take the older kids to the dentist and also pick them up after school while we got things sorted out. Yay for help! It is definitely easier to get this sort of thing done without any little ones in tow.

The notary at Wells Fargo was not especially please to see our small stack of papers. I much prefer our UPS notary but he charges $5 per page and really this whole doing documents 3 times things has been ridiculous enough. But, you also get what you pay for I suppose because Wells Fargo Guy messed up our Petition to Adopt form, stamping it so close to the bottom that part of the stamp ended up on the next page....which was the emergency back up copy of the Petition to Adopt in case the first one got screwed up.

In other words, even though I was super smart and brought extra copies of everything "just in case" it still managed to get done wrong.

We didn't have any way to make a 3rd copy, and so we decided to get both apostilled and hope at least one of them would be ok enough to submit.

*SIGH*

We went up to the Secretary of State's office the woman behind the desk did remember me, but was not my friend from my previous visits and charged us the full fee this time of $15 per document. 8x15=$120. Ouch. But that wasn't the worst part. When I explained to her why we were there she said:

"Don't you think at some point you should just admit it's not meant to be?"

Wow. How do you even respond to that? This is what I said:

Well, no. I think paperwork is a pain, and certainly this is frustrating but is is something WE CAN FIX. Why would I give up on my son over something WE CAN FIX. Certainly there may come a point when we hit an obstacle that cannot be overcome, but we have not reached that point and we will not just give up because it's a little bit hard and costs a little extra money.

She looked at me like she felt sorry for me, and then got to work on our stuff. It only took about ten minutes and we were out of there. Thankfully it was fast, because I was really upset about what she said and didn't want to be in there one more second.

We walked around the city, using my Husband's phone as a guide to locate the UPS store for mailing. Our papers *should* be in Tanner's country by Monday. If you've never had the pleasure of sending mail to this particular country, you should know that sending 7 pieces of paper in a UPS envelope cost us about $130. Mailing off our entire dossier a week ago cost $175. Yikes.

Then we got to have lunch at the Cheesecake Factory, which almost made the whole fiasco worth it. Their Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake is that good.

My Sister-In-Law was also coming in town for the weekend, and needed to be picked up at the airport yesterday evening up near the capital city. So we talked it over with Mother-In-Law and decided we would stay and wander around the city till it was time for the plane.

We got to spend some time inside the new IKEA, which was awesome. We didn't buy anything, even though I really super wanted to buy several things because it is IKEA after all and IKEA makes everything better. But we left empty handed, and went to see the worst movie of all time.

I'm not kidding.

I would mention it, except then maybe you would go see it and then your brain would rot like mine and you would hate me forever. All I will say is it was a #3 in a series and had the word Christmas in the title and, again, was the. worst. movie. ever. I seriously lost brain cells.

And that is the update. More forms sent overseas for an insane amount of money, hoping and praying this will be the last major bump in the road for us to get to our son. I am very grateful to everyone who donated last month to our passport emergency, those funds have DEFINITELY been put to good use for our boy already in all this chaos of re-doing and triple-re-doing paperwork.

Hopefully, this Thursday will be the big day for our paperwork to get submitted. Thanks for all your support and prayers, we still need it!

Ain't Never No News

2011-11-08T21:35:00.001-07:00

How can the weeks drag on while the days fly by faster than ever?

It feels strange to skip blogging for a bit after writing every day for a month. Especially after a month like the redunkulous October we had around here.

But, I am here to let you all know that there is still No News. None. Zero. No News on the List, No News on Tanner, No News on travel or lack of travel. Nada.

This coming Thursday (that's two days from NOW) we may have some News. We are hoping this News will be that our dossier was submitted to the proper authorities in Tanner's country after being translated. We are hoping and praying for this Good News because if not....well, if we don't get submitted we may have to do more paperwork over. AGAIN.

I am not kidding.

Why, you ask? Good question.

There is just a lot a lot a LOT of transition happening in Tanner's country, including the transition of the governmental agency that previously handled international adoptions to a new governmental agency. Naturally, this involves a name change from Old Agency to New Agency. Naturally, like half our forms have the Old Agency name on them, which after the 15th of this month will no longer be acceptable per the New Agency.

You follow?

Me neither.

Although perhaps re-doing a significant portion of our paperwork for a THIRD time would bring us some of that much-needed-but-seldom-seen-in-this-adoption-adventure Good Luck. Third times the charm, and all that jazz.

This was supposed to be a non-issue, because our paperwork was supposed to be in Tanner's country weeks ago. But it is an issue for us now because of those sticky-fingered thieves and the whole passport fiasco.

I kinda want to go to the prison and see them, by the way. I kinda want to be like "HA! You're in PRISON!"

Is that wrong?

Can you tell this total lack of News is pretty much driving me nuts?

C'mon, Thursday.

Bug's Halloween Party

2011-11-02T10:55:00.000-06:00

I was the Parent Helper in Bug's class at preschool on Halloween.

She goes to a cooperative preschool, so a parent is always in the classroom. With a class her size this means 6-8 parent help days per set of parents for the school year, which isn't bad at all. It's actually super fun! Especially on a holiday!

Her preschool also has a very *strict* healthy snack policy, which is great but can present a challenge on a day like Halloween when so many of the really neat snacks and treats center around chocolate and other candy. But, The Great Pinterest came to my rescue and I was able to put together a super fun, semi-spooky, completely healthy snack for a bunch of the cutest 5 year olds I've ever met.

Presenting!

Mummy Pizza!

Spooky fruit cups! (they have bats and spiders on the cupcake holders, I just put fruit inside instead of cake!)

Salty Bones! (Bug loved making these, they are just the canned breadsticks, you cut the ends and roll them into bony knobs)

Our awesome snack table, courtesy of the Dollar Store (plates, bat straws, table covers, witches cauldrons for the salty bones!)

Getting ready for snack.

The bat straws doubled as whistles apparently. The teachers were not amused.

Yummmmm!

Eventually I am going to find the camera cord and share pictures of all the kids on Halloween and their pumpkins. But I took all these photos on my phone, so it will have to do for now!

I ~~am obsessed with~~ totally love Pinterest. It made me look like a very cool and creative Mama for the day!

Wanna Guess What THIS Is???

2011-11-01T14:02:00.001-06:00

It's........

IT'S.......

IT'S......

OUR DOSSIER ON THE WAY TO TANNER'S COUNTRY!!!!

We got our I-171H a.k.a. "The Golden Ticket" from USCIS on Friday and got it notarized yesterday before trick-or-treating. We also had to do my husband's employment verification letter again because it had been signed by a "federal notary" (don't ask) and not a Colorado notary. Today I took them both up to our capital to get apostilled.

By the way, It's probably NOT a good thing when you walk in to the Secretary of State's Office and the entire staff recognizes you and calls you by first name.

"Ohhhhh NOooooo! LORA!!! What are you doing here? What happened now? Is everything ok?!?!?"

That was literally the response I got walking in the door. Even the nice lady who was NOT in the last time I made my grand entrance and cried like a big ol' baby said she had heard all about what happened. I smiled a big smile and informed them this should be the last time they see me in their office, I just had two last apostilles. They asked about the robbery and I was able to give them the good news from yesterday. Everyone was thrilled!

I waited about 5 minutes, and they only charged me $10. So I guess it isn't all bad if some people know your name! They made me promise to send a picture when we get Tanner home.

I hurried back home (it's about an hour and twenty minute drive from the capital), got Bug from preschool and ran to the UPS store as fast as I could. I had been up half the night recounting documents, triple checking apostilles, and putting all the papers in order for the 10th time. Even when I was in bed I hardly slept.

The gentleman at the UPS store was very happy to see us, since he has notarized some of our paperwork over the last 5 months. He said he feels like part of the family now! He was very apologetic that it cost so much to ship, but at that point my ears were ringing and I felt like I was going to vomit and didn't much care. Putting those papers in that envelope is one of the harder things I have had to do, it felt like putting your baby in the care of strangers.

But it is OFF now and should arrive in country by Thursday THIS WEEK. Then it has to get translated and submitted, which can take up to 2 weeks.

Because of the issue with the Special Needs List not being put out yet, we will not receive a travel date at that point, like we normally would. Instead we will continue to wait, and once the List is out and they start issuing travel dates again we will be on. our. way.

Still, this was a HUGE step, a HUGE success, and a HUGE relief. WE DID IT! We had delays and issues and robberies and WE STILL DID IT. Thank you everyone, for all your encouragement and prayers during this entire process. It definitely made a difference to me.

We are coming for you, sweet boy. Just as soon as we can.

...Trick...or Treat? Our Robbery is Solved.

2011-10-31T14:32:00.000-06:00

I got a call at 1210 today.

From the local police department.

A detective on the other line informed me there had been a search warrant executed on a home on Friday evening, and that in going through the items several documents with our names on them had been found.

He wanted to know when I could come to the police station to identify the items and any other possible belongings that may be ours.

Uhm, How about RIGHT NOW?!?

I was there in about 10 minutes.

They had all our social security cards, except my husband's, and all our birth certificates except Pudah's.

They had our passports, and our marriage licenses.

They found my Great-Grandma's box. Empty. The insides ripped out.

There was a very large tuff box, stolen from another solider, which was piled high with personal belongings these criminals had haphazardly dumped inside. The office gave me a pair of rubber gloves to dig through this mound of personal effects searching for anything I might be able to identify as ours.

I found one blue ribbon, that I won in 1st Grade in an art contest.

No letters from my husband. No journal. Nothing else. Just piles and piles of other people's personal property. Dumped like trash.

I felt like I was going to vomit.

The officer told me if it made me feel any better, the people who had done this had the very unpleasant experience of having their home raided in the middle of the night with a SWAT team, flash grenades and tear gas. (They had stolen some guns most recently, and had committed an armed robbery.)

It did make me feel a little better.

They seemed to have been looking specifically for personal things, but what they kept and what they trashed had no rhyme or reason that anyone can see. They had stolen all these wooden boxes like my own. They had tons of photos and jewelry and paperwork. They had even been trying to print fake money on a stolen color printer.

Seriously? Seriously.

These people were not good people, but they weren't very clever either apparently.

And so, our little home invasion is brought to a conclusion. A conclusion no one thought would ever happen. The bad guys are in jail. Many other families will find some, but not all, of their precious things returned to them. We can take comfort in knowing the people responsible for violating us in this way will be brought to justice.

And that is certainly more than we ever imagined would happen.

Happy Halloween everyone.

Potato Pancakes!

2011-10-30T18:32:00.001-06:00

Ok, here is a semi-complicated story.

My Brother in Law, Tom, is currently in the Peace Corps. He is in an Eastern European Country, which is very close to the Eastern European Country where our Tanner is currently living in an orphanage. Through some twist of fate, the details of which are still kind of unclear to me, he has found himself a very nice, very beautiful, very smart girlfriend who is actually from Tanner's country.

This. Is. Cool.

I decided recently that I should probably figure out how to cook some foods that Tanner might find familiar, since the typical American diet is probably not going to be that appealing to him at first. I started trying to look online, but finding recipes in a different language is challenging and time consuming. Plus, there wasn't really any way to know if they were from the RIGHT region of the country.

Enter...TOM'S AWESOME GIRLFRIEND ANA!!

I messaged her on Facebook, and even though she is super busy with school and her own life she took the time to send me two recipes so far with more to follow. The first one involved liver....which, no offense, I just can't bring myself to eat much less cook. I don't know why, I'm just a squeamish lame American. But the second was a recipe for Potato Pancakes!

Two of my favorite words in one place...this has to be good!

However, the recipe seems to be only partly structured and a lot is left open to interpretation. I am not a very good cook, and things like this make me nervous which is why I have put off making them for weeks. Grated potatoes, one egg, "some salt", "some pepper" and optional things like onions, meat stuffing, sour cream etc. You can apparently put pretty much anything on them or in them that you would with a baked potato. Since this was our first go-around we just stuck with salt and pepper.

Daddy, trying to avoid getting burned by the very hot oil.

Mmmm, Potato Pancakes....

Kiddos getting their first taste of something their new brother might like to eat!

It was DELICIOUS!

Daddy liked them too.

Pondering the Potato Pancake and its golden goodness.

Adding a little ketchup for some "american" flavor.

Yummm!

Even Baby Man ate almost half of Mama's.

So there we are, Potato Pancakes are a big hit. We will definitely be adding some ingredients next time now that we know what we are doing. I'm thinking onions and stuffing them with ground beef. My mouth is watering now....

Thanks, Ana! We can't wait to try the next recipe! (and we promise not to wait so long before giving it a try this time!)

Winding Down

2011-10-29T19:05:00.002-06:00

Well, October is nearly over.

When I decided to blog every day in October I imagined a very different kind of month.

I imagined a month where we would finally hear news about THE LIST, and get to celebrate the good news of our boy's condition being on it. That didn't happen.

I imagined blogging about the day we mailed off our dossier to his country at long last. That didn't happen.

I even imagined the possibility at the end of the month getting to blog about a possible travel date. Yeah....also totally didn't happen.

What DID happen? A whole bunch of unexpected. The List was not released and in fact looks like it may be facing major delays, so we are basically in limbo on that front. Our house got Robbed, which was all SORTS of lame and ridiculous, not to mention stressful and heartbreaking as we realized more and more had been lost. Friends, Family and Strangers rallied around us to help replace our passports and restored my belief that the world isn't all full of cruel meanies who steal your keepsakes. We got new passports at record speed and have redone half that blasted dossier with plans of mailing it off as we say Hello to November.

It's been a long, LONG, looooooooong month.

I'm glad it is almost over. It's an October that will be long remembered, but not for the reasons it should have been.

Thanks to all of you for sticking with me this month, reading and commenting and sharing. While it wasn't what I had imagined, having this place to write and feel supported has definitely kept me sane as we muddled through these crazy few weeks.

C'mon November. We've got high hopes for you!

For the Love of A Mac

2011-10-28T13:36:00.003-06:00

Getting robbed really. Really. Sucks.

Having Renter's Insurance through USAA really. Really. Rules.

Getting your Mac stolen with all your precious photos and information really. Really. Sucks.

Having your NEW Mac arrive via UPS and transferring all your old data from the tiny magical box that your husband always told you to use to back up your computer on and now you are so grateful he did really. REALLY. rules.

*sigh* I heart my new Mac.

P.S. I was just able to open my old iPhoto Library. I'm totally crying for gratefulness to have all these photos back!

The Best Way to Play in the Snow (In My Opinion): A Photo Story

2011-10-27T15:58:00.000-06:00

I don't know about you all, but getting the kids all bundled up so they can play in the snow for 5 minutes before they start crying that they are freezing and want to come back in only to decide 20 minutes later they want to get bundled up again and repeat the whole process is something I find to be very exhausting. We get quite a bit of snow in this part of the country, and so from now until like April this is an issue I will have to be addressing often.

And so today, in a stroke of Motherly Genius (if I do say so myself...which I do!), I brought the snow IN. DOORS.

A towel and some various containers of snow along with devices for scooping and smashing and generally playing provided over an hour of fun for these two little punkins. (With me refilling the snow periodically of course, cause you know....that stuff melts.)

They stayed warm AND entertained! And they pretty much thought it was the most fun thing that had ever happened in their short little lives.

Scooping.

Measuring.

Examining.

Playing!

Supervising.

"Juicing" with the old glass juicer!

And we must not forget Tasting! Baby Man took this task very, very seriously.

We are definitely going to enjoy the snow this way more often all winter!

Adventures in Pinterest

2011-10-26T17:15:00.003-06:00

My baby sister has done a very. VERY. BAD. THING.

She has convinced me to join the Pinterest community.

If you do not know what this is, I advise you to turn and run now, while you still can.

If you do know what it is, it is too late for you so you might as well keep reading.

Pinterest is this online thing where you can make various "pin boards" on a variety of your own interests and topics. You peruse all sorts of fabulous photos and ideas either by searching for a key word or by finding people you know and stalking their pin boards, which leads to to other pin boards of folks you don't know, into a never ending spiral of ideas, crafts, recipes and so on. Then you can pin these items to your own boards, making them easy to find later. You can give your boards any titles you want, like I have one titled "YUMMM" for all the tasty treats I need to make and one titled "I Wish I Was Creative" for all the things I wish I could/would make but know I probably won't. A lot of people have boards title things like "Interior Design", "Recipes" and "Organization" etc. You can organize your pins however you want, and as far as I understand it you can have as many boards as you want.

But it is SERIOUSLY addictive. You've been warned. Again. If you are still reading this and haven't joined Pinterest.....RUN. AWAY.

Today I am trying two new things I found on Pinterest.

First, a DIY (do it yourself) drain unclogging recipe. My bathroom sink is like, super-clogged. I've draino-ed it already and it worked for like....a day. Totally not worth it for the headache I get from the fumes even if the windows are all open.

Here is the link to the original post about this DIY adventure: Unclog a Drain: Baking Soda vs. Draino

Worked like a CHARM! First, this "recipe" makes a ton of this powder mixture, and you only use 1/4 cup at a time. I had to do it twice to get the sink to run really well. And, no smell!!

Second, and much much much more exciting (AND YUMMY)......Pumpkin Crunch Cake.

I found this last night and if it hadn't been for the impending winter storm I would have gone out to buy the ingredients right that second. The storm arrived, but with much less force than anticipated and all my kiddos still had school today. So, after making the drop-off rounds (that's three different schools for 3 different kids, yo!) I ran to the grocery store with Baby Man in tow and gathered all the necessary items.

I love pumpkin. I love fall. I love pumpkin pie. People in my house do NOT love pumpkin pie. I thought this might be a nice compromise that both skips the whining when I make pumpkin pie and saves me from eating an entire pie all by myself.

Besides the fact that it sounds completely amazing, it also has a very short and sweet list of ingredients. Always a major plus for anything I will be cooking or baking!

The cake won't be finished until later, so I'm going to go ahead and publish this now and say it is going to be AMAZING based on just the way my house smells right now.

Oh, Pinterest. You may be the end of me.

Cake for dinner, anyone? :)

Fun Things To Do at the Apple Store

2011-10-25T17:25:00.000-06:00

Now that we have our insurance money from the robbery, we decided it was time to go out and replace our stolen laptop and iPad.

I've never actually BEEN inside a real Apple store. It was quite the experience. First of all, there were approximately ten million people there at 7pm. I have no earthly idea why. Something about an iPhone 4 but I thought that came out over a week ago? Or maybe Apple stores are just the place to be, and I didn't know it.

We had been out to dinner right before, and I made a little deal with my 9 year old Pudah. I told him I would give him $1 if he took the apple we had left over and asked a store employee to trade. An apple for an Apple. He said he would do it for $5, but I stuck to my guns and we settled on one buckaroo for the joke. So Pudah put on his most serious face, scoped out the biggest dude in the store, and walked right up to him.

Pudah: Excuse me, hi.

Apple-Man: Can I help you?

Pudah: Yeah. I'll trade you an apple for this apple.

Apple-Man: *busts out laughing* Sure kid, I haven't had my dinner yet.

Pudah: *look of shock and uncertainty*

Apple-Man: I'm just kidding,dude. You keep your apple, I'll keep mine.

Pudah: MOOOOOOOOOOM! YOU OWE ME A DOLLAR!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was a fun moment.

If you have also never had the pleasure of being in an apple store I will give you the run-down on how they operate. All the employees have on jeans and t-shirts, sneakers and headsets. They are each carrying a device around that looks a bit like an iPhone except apparently they can scan things and take your credit card information with them. This eliminates the need for a check out line, which is nice I guess.

However, They make up for this by having you line up upon entering the store if you want to purchase something..........

Does that make any sense at all?

So it went like this: We walked in, looked around for a minute, attempted to barter fruit for electronics, and then we were told if we actually wanted to PURCHASE something there was a line over near the door. No check out line, for sure. But a "wait for someone to help you" line.......which is obviously COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

Go figure.

We waited in the "wait for assistance" line for awhile. Like I said, the place was very busy. The bigger boys went over to a table and played with some iPads on display, but the little ones had to stay with Mom and Dad.

Luckily, they are pretty good at entertaining themselves.

Baby Man spent a great deal of time chatting it up with his new best friend....otherwise known as his own reflection. Here is a glimpse in to what a lengthy conversation with oneself might look like at 21 months of age.

They did not have the computer I wanted in stock, so the video below actually turned out to be the highlight of the trip for me. Daddy was able to get his iPad though, so at least one of us left super happy. Using my kids' PC is getting old. You just get spoiled by a Mac. If you've never had one you probably think that is a silly thing to say, but trust me anyone who has owned one completely understands my misery.

Anyways, enough whining. My computer should be here by the end of the week hopefully. Here is the good stuff! Enjoy!

A Book of A Life

2011-10-24T17:17:00.002-06:00

The first thing a person must do when embarking upon an international adoption rollercoaster is to design a personal method for keeping things organized.

This is quite possibly the most difficult aspect of the process for people like me for whom organization might as well be a four letter word. But the sheer volume of paperwork involved demands that it be so, and thus I created this notebook which has since become essentially my 5th child.

And really, when you think about it, it IS my 5th child. It IS Tanner's future, in those three rings. It is his Life-book. Every piece inside of it essential to the puzzle of bringing him home to his family. It has come to mean so much to me these last few months, as I carry it from place to place, appointment to appointment, notary to apostille. Every week watching the binder get fatter and fuller as the pages were collected one by painstaking-one has been incredible.

Tanner's Life-book looks like This:

Pen pouch: In order to always be prepared with the necessary BLUE pens required for signing all documents.

Check lists. (The state of the checklist itself should give you SOME clue in to my organizational skills. Don't ask, I know what all those marks mean!)

Divided tabs:

Not too shabby for an Anything-BUT-Type-A personality like me. It got the job done anyhow.

Today, it finally reached maximum capacity. All our papers (minus the I-171H which we still need from USCIS) are notarized and apostilled.

This is an apostille, for all of you who are curious:

Today, when I walked in to the Secretary of State's office for this final step I had an entire prepared speech. I wanted to explain that while I was in their office on October 12th someone was robbing my house. I wanted to ask them politely if they would be so kind as to re-apostille our documents for the reduced fee of $5 (which normally only applies if they mail documents back to you or you come back another day) while I waited instead of the $15 they normally charge for that service. I wanted to explain to them that my heart simply could not bear to let those papers out of my sight for one single second after all we have been through. Because my baby was depending on them, and on me, to accomplish this task and I already feel like I have let him down by taking this long.

Instead, I walked up to their desk and burst in to tears.

The poor woman behind the desk did not remember me as she was not the person I dealt with almost 2 weeks ago, but she listened as best she could as I sobbed out our story. I felt completely stupid for crying, but I couldn't stop. Even after she said she would apostille everything while I watched her, I could not pull myself together. She expressed great sympathy as she worked, and asked some questions about our sweet boy. I answered, but I kept crying. She handed me some tissue. It was incredibly embarrassing.

20 minutes later I walked out with our papers complete and best wishes from the entire office.

And so our once little notebook is now stuffed to the brim. And through the kindness of others this Mama's heart is a little bit closer to feeling healed.

Lunch Date with My Bug

2011-10-23T17:06:00.000-06:00

Saturday the girls went out for a lunch date.

And by girls of course I mean my little Ladybug and I.

She wanted to go to this Japanese restaurant that serves the. best. dumplings. EVER. Sadly, they are not open for lunch on Saturdays. Which I find to be totally bizzarro. Luckily for us, inthe same shopping center there is a Marigold's Cafe. While they do not serve dumplings of any sort, they do have the. best. double. fudge. chocolate. mousse. cake. EVER.

Fair trade, I'd say.

We got a turkey sandwich to split, since we were saving room for cake. It's a good thing too because even HALF the sandwich was the size of my girl's entire head.

It was unmanageable really.

So she took it apart and ate it in pieces.

She then demanded that I stop taking all the pictures and give her a turn.

I guess my lemonade was more interesting than my face.

She was quite proud of herself.

We sat, we talked, we giggled and the people round us giggled at our giggling. People always smile at my girl, and tell he she has pretty curls, or a sweet smile, or beautiful brown eyes.

I always make sure to tell her right after that she is incredibly smart, too.

Then we got down to business.

Cake business.

Bug remarked that she was very happy her baby brother wasn't with us because "He would climb on the table and make a mess and eat all my cake! Doesn't he know you shouldn't climb on tables, Mama?"

I think he does know, I think he just doesn't care. But I also think he is part monkey. So there we are.

She agreed that was most likely the case.

At this point Bug pulled the cake plate as close as she could to herself and asked quite sweetly "Where is YOUR piece, Mama?"

That's my girl!

My girl and I gotta go out more often.

Signs

2011-10-22T07:00:00.000-06:00

This little sign hangs by our key hooks near the garage door, a daily reminder:

I love it, for so many reasons. But mostly I love it because it is just the gosh-darn-honest-truth.

There is so much happening in our world today, and by "our world" I do mean all of you, too. It can seem like madness, it can look like hopelessness, it can feel full of despair.

But we can take ordinary moments, every day, and face them with the ability to do the right thing. To do our best. To leave whatever it may be in front of us better than it was when we found it. To make a difference in our tiny corner of the universe.

We don't have to be superheroes. We don't have to be famous. We don't have to have a life for the history books.

We can live courageously in our "ordinary" lives. Which actually makes us extraordinary.

And that can be enough.