Lessons: The Bigger Picture

Today's visit.....was more difficult, but not for reasons on would expect.

First I will say, Vi was FANTASTIC. That girl! I can't even imagine having to leave her, already it is tearing at my heart just the thought even though it will only be a couple weeks. We will just miss her so incredibly!

We actually saw Vi on the way down the stairs in to the playroom today and she seemed both surprised AND thrilled to see us! We both got a big, big hug and a great tooth-less grin.

We both noticed right away that she was moving slower today, her legs seemed more stiff somehow. I am not sure if it was because it was much colder? I am hoping some other Mama's of kids with CP can give me a clue here. It was a lot colder outside this morning, but I am also hoping our visits are not interfering with physical therapy or stretching they have been doing with her. She didn't walk or run quite as much, and she definitely fell down more. She was still happy-go-lucky as ever, but it's like her legs just weren't cooperating as well as they have the previous two days.

We decided to give her the snack we brought pretty much right away, so it  hopefully would not interfere too much with her lunch. She was still pleased to have it, but less shove-it-in-your-mouth-before-someone-takes-it-away today. She shared all three wafers with Mama and Papa, smiling and giggling all the while. She took her time with the juice and the apple, the apple was still less than half eaten when the visit was over.

She's a sassy girl too though! At one point I told her "I love you, Vi," in Russian and her reply?  "I love PAPA!" What can you say to that? :)

We also brought her a pink toy cellphone, that looks quite a bit like mine. It has a screen with fake apps on it, and certain buttons make different noises. One button makes a song play. I showed it to her ONE TIME, and  that was all it took. She wanted to push that button over and over, and she would do a little wiggle dance, smile, clap, hold it to her ear and to our ears. Then she took it over to this giant stuffed orangutan, which to be honest I had been wondering for 3 days what on earth anyone could DO with such a large stuffed animal.

Apparently, you can do this:





We were having a great time, when another woman entered the room. She took off her coat and boots, just like us, and came to sit on the couch. A few moments later one of the nannies came in....and handed this woman a baby.

HER. Baby.

She buried her face in his neck, rocked him and hugged him and whispered sweet things to him (even though it was in Russian, a Mama's heart speaks the same language anywhere.) I would guess he was about 6 months old. Her cheeks were wet with tears, as she sat on the small yellow couch to spend perhaps an hour with what was clearly the love of her life.

It was almost impossible for me to stay focused on Vi while they were there. My whole body and soul hurt for this woman, and for her child.  I have no idea why, or what brought them to this place of having to be apart, but I do NOT doubt that she loved this child very much.  We do not even begin to understand what it means to live in this country, the hardships people face, or conditions that lead to these so called "social orphans", and so I do not judge her or even pretend to know what was going on in their lives.  I just.....wish it was different.

To hear or read about it....is nothing compared to reality. To see it. To SEE HER. broke my heart.

I saw she had brought an old camera (with film! They still make those!) and I offered to take her picture with her son. She smiled gratefully, and wiped the tears from her face. It took all my strength and might not to cry with her. I took two photos of them together.  For all I know those could be the only photos she will ever have with her son. She took more photos later, with him propped on the couch between stuffed animals, but it is not the same as having their photo together and I was grateful to be able to perform some small kindness for a person who was clearly so deeply hurting.

Before too long the nanny returned. She spoke to the mother, but also to Vi a little bit. Vi said, in Russian, "That is his Mama?" And the nanny replied yes. "I have a Mama AND a Papa!" she proclaimed. Yes you do, the nanny replied. The mother on the sofa, her face crumpled with sadness at the statement. We sat there, unable to even offer and words of comfort because our language would mean nothing to her, as her little bundle of sweetness was carried away again.

I guess I'm not quite sure why I am sharing this story. Except...I want people to realize they can't judge. We can't assume anything. We can't come here, or anywhere else in the world and proclaim we have all the answers, or adoption is the best way, or anything else for that matter. Our primary goal should be to do good when we can, where we can, and to leave the judgement out of it.

And pray for the many, many Mama's who will have to carry on another day (and most like for many more days) without their sweet one in their arms, while we hope for a future where families who love and want to be together can make that dream come true.