Heartstrings

We arrived home last night.

We got up yesterday morning a 4 a.m. Port City time, and our first flight left at 7 a.m. there.  3 flights later we pulled in to our driveway at 10:40 p.m. our time, which was about 7a.m. Port City time.

That's 24 hours of travel people!

All the kids were asleep of course, and so we had to wait until this morning to see them. It took all my willpower not to go scoop them up out of their beds!   Luckily for me, Baby Man got up just a few minutes before 6 a.m. and I brought him in to our room so he wouldn't wake up Bug and had some sweet baby boy snuggles! He just hugged and hugged and hugged my neck, in a sort of daze from just waking up and seemingly not totally sure if I was REALLY there! Bug woke up not too long after, and I was so happy to hear her sweet voice and have hugs from my big girl.

The Big Boys woke up, and Grandma made some muffins. Everyone was talking as fast and as loud as they could to catch us up on the last two weeks. All we could do was nod and smile, and give lots of cuddles. My heart felt so full, and yet there was still and empty space.

I sat thinking about Vi. How perfect it would be if she was here with us, and how in just a few short weeks she will be. She will get to come in to her home, and meet her siblings, and probably get more hugs and cuddles than she would like. I have a feeling she is going to do fantastic.

But even knowing it won't be long, my heart still hurts. It really hit me in her city, as we drove to the airport in the early morning darkness, that we were leaving her behind. Of course it wasn't because we had any choice in the matter, but my heart didn't seem to think it was a good time to listen to reason.  All my heart knows is that I am her Mama, and that I was leaving her. My heart wanted to speed back to the orphanage, hug her one more time, be 1000% sure that she understood we would be back for her. My heart needs her to know she is our girl. That she is so cherished and loved.

We are home, but my heartstrings are pulled taught as our little girl waits for us across the ocean.  It's not really home, after all, if every one of your babies isn't here with you.