It's That Time Again

Wow, another new year.

It must be true that time goes by faster the older you get.

It seems it was only moments ago I was celebrating New Year's Eve 2010 by going to sleep early, excited that 2011 would mean my husband coming home.

And now it's.....over?

It's just hard to believe it's that time again.

We ring in the New Year knowing it brings with it the promise of meeting someone very, very special. We welcome it in, full of anticipation and dreams.

We look back and see years full of twists, turns, triumphs and unexpected tears and joys.

We look forward wondering what twists, turns, triumphs and unexpected tears and joys this twelve months will bring.

Things often don't go as planned. This much I have learned in my 30 years on earth.  But just because they don't go as I plan them, doesn't mean something even more awesome can't happen instead.

Happy New Year's.

2012 is definitely going to rock our socks off.

An Adoption Update (Or: I promise, you WANT to read this one!)

We got through Christmas, and enjoyed our family time immensely.  Just the 6 of us.  (But still wishing there were 7)

The kids tore through their presents.  I would say they are spoiled, but its not their fault they have a million grandparents and aunts and uncles.

We had a nice big Christmas breakfast with waffles and eggs and bacon.  We had happy tummies.

And I took the three big kids to church while Baby Man napped and Daddy shot zombies.

It was good, but it was still hard.

I thought much about Tanner.  We grieved.  We argued.  We talked about what to do.  We talked as grown ups, and we talked with the children together and individually.  Our whole family needed to decide what, if anything, should be done.

And when it was all said and done.....we decided to move forward with another adoption.


Hearts still broken, and certainly more guarded now, but nonetheless ready for our family to grow.

I wasn't going to talk about it on the blog at all, I am what you might call a bit nervous and paranoid after what has happened. Still, I don't want to leave all of you who have been so supportive in so many ways left just wondering  "What now?".  I am not going to talk about our child, the diagnosis, or anything else until we have them in our arms.

But that child is coming.  And I might add....very, very soon. :)

Merry Christmas, Everyone. And a Happy New Year!

"Impossible situations can become possible miracles." ~Robert H. Schuller

When the Going Gets Tough....

The tough get going.

Check this out.

My kid has a broken arm. I'm pretty sure we've been over that.

Last Saturday there was a belt test at TaeKwonDo. He was still in a LOT of pain, and I called to tell them Edo would not be taking the test.  Bug and Pudah took their tests though, and became an orange belt and a brown belt respectively:

Before:

During:

After!

(Yes, they are this cute in real life too!)

Edo was bummed to say the least.  I mean, how could he tolerate his LITTLE BROTHER being a brown belt when his belt was still blue??!? Surely this injustice could not go on for 6 weeks until his arm was fully healed.

And so, this Tuesday, less than one week after breaking his arm.....Edo chose to take the make-up belt test.

Look at his widdle broken arm! My Mommy heart can't. take. it.

He kicked and punched and did his Poomsae's.  He even did one-armed sparring, which was kinda funny to watch.  

Jumping....while holding his arm.  Yeah, it still hurt.

But look at that brave face!

He even did a jumping snap kick board break. OH yeah!

And he received his brown belt. From the dojang Master.

But he got something he did not expect.  Here, the Master is speaking. And he is speaking about Edo.  About his true "taekwondo spirit."  About how hard it was to come in there with a broken arm, and in pain, knowing he would not be able to execute every move or form properly.  He spoke about how proud he was of my boy for not giving up, even though he could see on his face at times during the test that he was hurting.  He kept going, he did his very best, he earned his belt and was an example to everyone present.

And Edo practically glowed all the way home, grinning from ear to ear.

It's a belt test he most certainly will never forget.

Trudging

You know its been a bad week when......your kid breaking his arm turns out to be the EASIEST thing you have to deal with.

I feel like I'm walking in a literal fog.

My head throbs from crying through the night.

I've cried more in the last 48 hours then I think I have cried in the last two years of my life combined.

And I've been through a lot the last two years.

My heart hurts.

It HURTS. Actual. Physical. Pain.

It just seems like too much has been lost.

And I'm just trudging through the hours thinking "Now what?"


There is more to Tanner's story, which I do not feel comfortable sharing publicly.  But if you read my last post, while I do say he was "adopted" in his country....he is now in a legal guardianship that is not a family.  There are many other families who lost children this week who they had hoped to bring home.  It is complicated, his country is complicated.  However, Tanner IS safe, he IS well taken care of, and he IS so much better off than many orphans...but it is not the same as being home.  I wish I could say more, but I don't think it would be in the best interests of the children and families still waiting.

Please pray for him, and for all the children affected, that they will someday find their way to the blessing of a true family.

The Update on Tanner I don't want to write

Everyone,

It is with a very heavy heart that I have to come and tell you this morning we were told our sweet Tanner has been adopted within his own country and will not be joining our family.

We have loved, prayed for, and planned for this sweet boy for 7 months. 7 months EXACTLY TO THE DAY today we decided to commit to him and started the process to bring him home.

We hit so many roadblocks and delays. The list, issues with our home study agency being slow, our freaking house getting robbed. On and on.  I believe now it was for this reason, he was meant to stay in his country.

We are sad for us, obviously.  We had hopes and dreams, much like being pregnant, that we know will not be fulfilled.  But Tanner is safe.  He will be well taken care of.  He is a very special boy, and we will always love him....but he was never truly ours.

We do not know what the next step is for our family.  We have come so far, and gone through so much.  There are so many children in need of a good home and a loving family.  But we just can't say right now.

Please, if you have any words of encouragement or guidance, this Mama's heart needs them now more than ever.

Changes

If you are a frequent visitor, you may be noticing a thing or two missing from the sides of my blog.

Don't be alarmed! We are still very much pursuing our adoption process.  But there have been a few concerns that have arisen lately, one of which is a person (or persons) who is stalking adoption blogs and leaving hurtful, inappropriate, and even sometimes threatening comments.  The other concerns I am not going to address at this time, but they are serious enough to warrant extra precautions in order to help ensure that our adoption is able to be finalized.

For the sake of privacy and safety (both of which are reasons I don't list our names or location on this blog in the first place!) I have removed references to our adoption process from my blog page for the time being.

I hope everyone understands.  I will be keeping friends and family informed via facebook as we continue to move forward.  If you are someone I know but perhaps don't have contact with via Facebook, or if you are one of the beautifully kind and generous people who made donations when our passports were stolen, please send me an email so I can keep you updated on our progress as well in a less public forum.

You can email me at mycamokids@gmail.com

Everyone's kindess and support this far in to our journey has meant so much to me.  Once this storm has passed (or perhaps not until we are home with our little guy!) I hope to feel comfortable blogging more freely about adoption and our experiences with the process once again.  I will still be blogging about our normal life, being and army family, and all that good stuff so please feel free to keep dropping in to read up on those adventures while we get through this rough patch!

Stats!

Check this out!! 

My Camo Kids

 99999 pageviews - 265 posts, last published on Dec 14, 2011 - 133 followers

Those are my blog stats as of this morning. 99999 page views is a pretty cool number, I

just happened to log in at the right moment to catch it. :)

Thanks everyone for reading!

When You Forget to Knock on Wood (Or: ER The Edo Edition)

This morning I had to take Baby Man to a doctor's appointment.

He's small, so was Bug.  She has been through lots of testing and they have not come up with any "reason"...she's just little.  Now Baby Man is going through the same thing basically.

That's the short and sweet of it, anyways.

So this morning he had to go see a doctor and get some blood drawn.  Still, trying to be positive I didn't want to whine about how it was going to be a rough morning or how I knew my toddler would howl and screech as soon as he saw a person put gloves on.  I decided to take an optimistic approach and posted this as my Facebook status:

"Off to the Doctor with Baby Man! Grateful for awesome health insurance courtesy of the U.S. Army!"

At this point, apparently, I should have found something made of wood. And knocked real hard.

On the way back from the doctor (headed home to take a much deserved nap I might add!) my phone rang.  And it was Edo's school Nurse.

"Your son fell down and hurt his arm.  I think you might want to come and get him."

She put him on the phone, his voice was shaky and tearful.  He had been outside after lunch, standing on a wall....(I am supposed to let you all know that it was "a low wall, Mom. Like barely 2 feet tall!") with some friends, when he either "slipped or fell, or someone bumped me or something".  He fell to the ground, hitting his arm on a bench that was located directly next to the wall that for some reason a bunch of 12 year old boys thought would be good for standing on.

Oy.

I was right by the school at that point, so I took Baby Man in and we picked Edo up.  Good thing too, he was pale, and nauseated.  He was holding his arm like a tiny broken bird wing, with an ice pack.

I arranged for my (AMAZING!) friends and neighbors to watch/and/or pick up the other three from school and Edo and I were off  to the ER.

He started to perk up a bit in the car, and by the time we arrived didn't seem to be in much pain.  I thought we might just have a bad bruise on our hands and be sent home with some motrin, but we had come this far so I decided we would see it through and get x-rays to be sure even though the triage nurse didn't seem too concerned either.  But he did give us a little sling while we waited.

See? He was even smiling!  I was pretty sure we were in the clear.  It wasn't swollen, his arm was barely tender, and it only hurt if he moved it certain ways.  He just didn't seem to be in that. much. pain.

His X-Rays however......told a different story.....

And we ended up with this nifty little hand-out and a one way ticket straight upstairs to the Orthopedists office:

Totally. Broken.

The ER doctor described it as less of a straight up fracture and more of a "crumpled like a soda can" fracture, just below the growth plate at the top of his arm.

My boy must have a very high pain threshold.

Switch to Sad Faces. :(

And here is my big Guy, learning how to wear his shoulder stabilizer for the next. SIX. WEEKS.

(You can't really see it but his t-shirt says "Born Lucky".  Several people commented that perhaps that statement was inaccurate, but he informed them he was VERY lucky to have broken his left arm and not his right, since he is right handed. That's my guy!)

All in all, he did remarkably well.  He refused pain medicine in the ER, but I think he was kind of regretting it later.  Having to position it for additional x-rays in the ortho office and then getting all jostled around with the new shoulder stabilizer definitely hurt.  But he didn't complain, just grimaced a bit while holding back tears.  He handled it like one very tough kid, and certainly much better than I would have if it was my shoulder.

So Yes, I am incredibly grateful for awesome health insurance.  

But the next time I make such a statement, you can bet you'll hear some knocking right after.

How To Belay

I took Bug on a little adventure this weekend, courtesy of a Parent in her class who planned a very cool birthday party for their kid.

Cause let's face it, anyone can take their kid to Chuck E. Cheese.  It takes a a whole other kind of courage to plan a 5 year old's birthday party at......An Indoor Rock Climbing Gym.

A 5 year old GIRL PARTY, I should mention.  Bug's preschool is full of the very coolest families.  For real.

Here she is all suited up in her whatever its called harness thing, with her self-proclaimed "boyfriend".

We had to have a conversation about a week ago regarding the finer points of polygamy, and how its not actually legal and all, since Bug was convinced that both she AND another friend in her class were going to grow up and marry this particular boy.

He's a stud.  Plus, he will play "Harry Potter" for like 3 hours straight so naturally Bug loves him with an undying preschooler-love.

Here's me and my girl!  I was extensively trained (in under 5 minutes) on how to "Belay" which is rock-climbing-speak for "Don't disappoint the nice people who invited you to this party by allowing any small children to fall off the rock wall. Now here, learn how to tie this knot so no one will die."

No pressure, right?

As you can see from the following pictures, I held up my end of the bargain.  The kids were much less interested in climbing however then they were in getting a few feet of the ground and then swinging.  I only took pictures of my kid doing this activity since it required holding the rope momentarily with one hand...which is kind of a "belaying no-no" as you might imagine.  Still, she weighs like 29 lbs so I was totally NOT going to drop her.  Promise.

(Disclaimer:  If you are ever belaying a person over 29 lbs, please keep both hands on the rope. They will thank you...because they will stay alive. The end.)

In the photo below you will see Bug's "boyfriend", being quite the daredevil. He was actually all the way up to the top of the wall, but by the time I lowered the kid I was helping and got out my phone to take a picture he was coming back down.  An impressive feat considering most of the rest of the children barely got 3 feet off the ground.

This is the guy who trained me how to tie ropes and not kill people.

It doesn't come across very well in this photo, but he also bore such a striking resemblance to Daniel Radcliffe (a.k.a. Harry Potter if you live under a rock and ya don't know) that Bug was completely star-struck and became a giggling speechless mess around him.  It was awesome.

(Bug and the Birthday Girl share a hug)

Overall, it was an excellent party.  Kids were tired and happy, and had tried something new and adventurous that they will most certainly be talking about for  weeks to come.

Or at least a couple of days. They are only 5 after all, and they have another classmate's birthday party this weekend.

Cleaning Frenzy! (Or: Like Father, Like Son.)

My husband and I get along well for the most part.  There isn't much we disagree on, and we are fairly good at compromising.  However, if I may be so bold as to say, there has always been one major point of contention in our marriage.

House-hold Cleanliness.

Or, more appropriately, what level of cleanliness actually constitutes "clean".  We have different opinions on the matter, and it has from time to time caused a bit of inter-relational strife.

The problem was my version of "clean" was his version of "barely tidy" and his version of "clean" was my version of "ACK! THE WHITE GLOVE IS COMING TO CHECK FOR DUST! RUN AWAY!!!!"

Over the years however, I have come to appreciate his need for clean as I realized it wasn't about being picky or OCD or even trying to tell me how to do my job as a (mostly) stay-at-home-Mom.  It is really about the fact that he is so very, very (mystifyingly to me) happy when things are *clean*.  He can think more clearly, he enjoys his time at home more because he can relax instead of stressing out over what might be lurking under the toaster, and he just genuinely feels good when his surroundings are organized and clean. It just took me a long time to realize how important it was to him.

And of course, I want him to be happy! Thats just a given.

So, I have tried in the last few years to adapt and learn his version of clean.  Things that don't bother me (a.k.a. that little rubber seal around the fridge door being dirty...I don't think I even noticed it existed till he pointed it out to me!) I try to remember to notice from his perspective.  Tasks that for my own definition of clean could be done once every two weeks (scrubbing toilets, showers and the like) I am trying to do once or twice a week.  I'm even up to vacuuming twice a week!  This would probably be deemed necessary by most people anyways, with 4 kids and 2 furry pets but truth be told I was usually vacuuming only once a week, and sometimes a "week" was more like 10-12 days.

A challenge I have faced is the fact that when he deploys I very quickly revert to *my* way.  We get through a year doing things *my* way, and everyone survives and it's just fine.  But when he comes home I have to remember his way all over again and get back into a routine that keeps the peace between us.  It can be hard, and it can take some time.  Luckily, I married a really patient guy cause I'm a bit slow sometimes to come back around.

An unexpected benefit of following a routine that suits my husband's version of clean is the fact that my little ones also now love to clean.

This morning there was screaming and actual tears over who got to scrub the toilet the longest.

I'm serious.

Bug: "MAMA! He's had the toilet scrubber for like FIVE MINUTES and I barely got a turn AT ALL!"

Baby Man: "WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" (any time Bug tried to take the toilet-wand-scrubber)

(Seriously, is it NATURAL to be that happy when you are scrubbing a toilet?!?!?)

A big part of this whole issue for me has been about learning that just because something is not important to me does not mean that it is not important at all.  When I know something is important to him, and it is not important to me, I can demonstrate my love and respect for him by doing that thing his way.  And in turn, he does the same for me when I feel very strongly about something.  I'm grateful for a relationship that allows me to learn and grow, to make mistakes and then make it right, to compromise and to see things from another person's perspective.

I think that's what marriage is supposed to be about, after all.

I bet you didn't know you could learn so much from cleaning a bathroom, did ya?

Update on Stephanie!

Wow, this week has been so full of ups and downs.  Facebook unfortunately turned in to a giant game of "telephone" at one point concerning Stephanie's condition and her husband stepped in and told everyone to please keep praying for her but to KNOCK IT OFF when it came to posting her stats and condition when at one point people were posting that she needed an emergency kidney transplant.....and it was totally NOT true.

The good news (Great News! AWESOME NEWS! SUPER AMAZING NEWS!!!) is that THIS was her husband's status update TODAY:

"I'm sure most of you have heard Stephanie is completly off of the medicine that paralyzes and sedates her. She is still not responsive yet. It may take a couple days before she wakes up and starts telling me her pillows need fluffing and the ice cup needs refilling. I can't wait! I'm sure we still will have some things to figure out as far as the cancer goes. But atleast we are living hour by hour anymore. And I praise the lord for all of it."

Can I get an A-M-E-N??????

This is quite literally a miracle.  The doctors were telling them, the day of my original post, that it would be a miracle if she survived the next TWELVE HOURS.....and yet here she is, 6 days later, preparing to wake up form her medically induced coma.

A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

She has a great friend who is compiling all the messages from Facebook in to a kind of book so Stephanie can see all the messages of love and prayers during the past week when she finally wakes up.  I think that will be a very, very cool moment for her.

My brother (who lives in Atlanta) a few days ago was able to take some fruit, drinks, and snacks to her family who has not left the hospital since this all started.  They were incredibly grateful, and I was too for his selfless service to my dear friend whom he has never even met. It meant the world to me, when I am so far away and unable to DO anything.

Stephanie still has a very long road ahead of her, fighting this leukemia, but she is here and she is fighting.  Her family and friends know what a miracle this is, and ask that everyone continue to pray for her health and healing so she can go home and be with her sweet girls again.

Guess who I get to see Today?

My Husband!

It's only been four days, but I am about as giddy as a school-girl with a crush on the quarterback who just got asked to go with him to prom.

Or something like that. You get the idea :)

I think it is just that we have spent so much of our marriage apart, every reunion is sweet whether is been one week, 9 weeks, 7 months or 12.  I definitely don't want to complain about the shorter separations because I have the perspective of spending a year apart from my love, but I am still beyond thrilled when I know I am going to see him again even if it's just been a few days.

I may not be explaining it well, but I know my military wife friends totally get what I'm trying to say.

He's been out in the field training all week, doing a live-fire exercise.  That means real bullets, people.  You know, cause they gotta be all trained and practice using their guns and stuff. (On a side note I am completely terrified of guns. I'm not sure how I ended up married to a guy who uses them for a living...)

But it meant he missed Bug's birthday, and he's been sleeping out in the cold and snow and eating MRE's in a big tent with a whole bunch of other soldiers. And while it is totally necessary for his profession I think it still falls under the classification of "Not Real Fun."

Today he gets to come home though, and eat real food, and sleep in a real bed. Come to think of it I bet he's even more excited than I am, but for totally different reasons!

Happy Friday, Everyone!